It Never Seems
by caliatheart
Summary: AU after car crash season 4. Written off a prompt by kaya17tj. It never seems to go the way you like it. But appearances can mean a whole different thing.
1. Prologue

**So this is something totally new to me. I was approached via p.m. to write a request and after hearing what she wanted, the basic came to me. So here I am posting two different stories at the same time. I usually like to trade angst and humor as one of the time so it's gonna be interesting to write a comedy and a drama at the same time. Let's see if I can handle it. ; ) Special dedication to Kaya17tj: this story is yours : ) Hope it holds the standards. Enjoy.**

It Never Seems

**March 10, 2005. East Coast**

It was rare when it stormed in Tree Hill. Rain was fine. But when it poured and turned into a storm it wasn't something to be prepared for. The lightening clapped and Haley snapped awake with a gasp. She was surprised she made the full snap upright, considering her huge 7-month- belly took up the majority of her body, including her posture. She complained constantly to Nathan that she felt her boobs sagging. He always assured her that they were plump and right. The comment was accompanied by a perverted grin.

Her hand went to her heart as she tried to control her breathing. The bedroom lightened because of another clap followed by an angry aftershock of thunder. She hated storms and the only person to comfort her was her husband. But the bed was empty.

"Nathan?" She said, confusion all over her voice.

"Baby?"

Her son kicked like a frenzy then. Her soft voice hushed and comforted him. A smile flitted her face every time she thought of her son. She thanked God every hour for allowing her son to survive the accident. Getting hit by a car was the worst but what was even worse was swimming in the unknown if her son survived her courageous act of protecting her husband.

She held on tight to her husband's hand, not a care in the world about her broken leg. She shifted restlessly as the nurse warned her softly to stop moving; she might aggravate her leg. She could give two shits. She was on edge until her and Nathan heard her son's strong heartbeat. It was all she needed to finally calm down.

In the weeks after the car accident, she was through enough. She had to hobble around with a boot for her cast leg, she was pregnant, and Nathan confessed he point-shaved because he borrowed money from a bookie. She got over through her hurt. She just needed her husband. So she got up to try and find him even though it was two o'clock in the morning.

"Nathan?"

She waddled down their small hallway to their living room that also dubbed into their dining room. She didn't see it until lightening crashed again. The brief light directed her to a piece of paper on the table. She hobbled toward it and light flashed. She read the simple sentence. The paper fell. She gasped before collapsing.

_I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry._

**March 10, 2005. The South**

Nathan groaned as he felt the blood splatter between his newly-given gap between his front teeth. He was on his knees. The force of the blow, however, forced him to topple over and now he was resting on his forearms and knees begging God to allow him to breathe.

"I'm glad you decided to join," a voice said.

Nathan wheezed. "I had no choice. Please. Just do it."

"Do what?" The man lurked in the shadows.

"Just end it. I have nothing to live for."

"Don't be overdramatic, Nathan. This is just the beginning," the voice seemed closer. He motioned to the burly man who was cracking his knuckles.

The slit Nathan's eye allowed him to look up. The burly man stayed silent as the cracks of his knuckles gave the only sound in the warehouse. At least, he thinks he's in a warehouse. It was too dark to tell. He saw his blood stained on the man's hands.

The voice came closer. Finally, he was in Nathan's very small line-of-sight. He had a cast on his foot and was supported by a boot. A long trench coat flowed from the tall man's shoulders. His face had scratches and his arm was in a sling. Nathan wished he had guts to kill him.

"Finish him," Dante said to the burly man.

Nathan sighed and physically let his head fall from defeat. The last he saw before he gave up was the burly man grin a despicable smile before moving to the baseball bat resting peacefully on a table.

A kick to the stomach was powerful enough to force Nathan to sit up on his knees. He yelled out when the bat connected to the side of his face, blood splattering more. Only grunts and yelps could be heard as Dante watched his henchmen knee, stomp, punch and swing at the battered life before him. He watched silently as the cries got lesser and lesser.

The kid will learn.

**Please review if you like the start. What do you think? Do I still got it? lol  
**

**CAli**


	2. Chapter 1  The Life Now

It Never Seems

**Thank you for all the comments! Sorry this is late, I'm sure you don't want excuses. : ) Keeping this short and simple so you guys can enjoy this installment. Any questions will be answered in a PM. Enjoy!**

**CAli**

Ch. 1 – The Life Now

**October 22, 2008. The Northwest**

His heart pumped. In high school, his heart was normal. During physicals, the nurses always noted his heart pumped at 121 beats per minute. Three years ago, a nurse noted candidly that his heart pumped normally at 141 beats per minute. She never noted the abnormality.

His heart pumped faster because he was always on edge. Right now was no different.

He had to punish this kid. And he saw the fear in the kid's eyes. He detected it even before the kid knew he was giving off his weakness. And he was trained. He was trained to see the fear and exploit it.

He almost felt bad. He was about to end this kid and he remembered vaguely the same fear in his eyes. Like he knew it was the end, but he still held on hope that things will change.

Hope doesn't exist anymore.

He calculated. He was playing with kid, like cat and mouse. He taunted him. He circled him and gave him hope. But he was about to dash that hope. The kid couldn't handle it. None of them could.

He was ruthless that way. Giving them hope before yanking it away. After all, it happened to him. Nothing was to hope for. Hoping led to shatter dreams.

He heard the taunts in his head. Or maybe it was out loud. He couldn't tell these days.

He looked up. It was time. It had to be smooth or else people will suspect. And he couldn't call attention to himself.

He moved forward and the kid moved back. The fear was in his eyes. The kid had no idea what to do and he recognized it. Instinct took over.

He moved quickly to the left. The kid tried to follow but he was too slow. He took advantage of the movement. With quickness like a puma, he moved to the right. The kid couldn't move in time. He moved past him and despite of the amplified sound, the only thing that echoed in his existence was the tear followed by the yell of pain.

He acted like he didn't hear anything. With quickness and smoothness, he crossed the kid and dribbled to his right. His quickness made his body cut the right wing to the driving lane with perfection. In his languid motions, he jumped and the ball in his hands felt delicate. He shot and he hit a 15-foot jumper before the whistle echoed.

The basket counted, of course. But cheers turned into "oh, my god's" and hushed chatter. Referees and coaches and physical trainers rushed the court to the kid. Seattle Supersonics' fans stayed in their seats waiting to see if the kid will get up.

He knew the kid will never get up without assistance. He recognized the vulnerability and took advantage. He didn't want to, but he had to. And to cover his tracks, he acted like he just realized the injury; like he was just focused on the play.

Nobody knew. Nobody knew except him and his boss and his boss's henchmen that the injury was intentional.

But he played his part as he knew the camera will focus on his facial expressions. He schooled his face to look concerned. His hands were on his white shorts where his hips met and he played tired but concern. Sweat dripped from hairline and he made sure to smooth his hair back in concern. His fans will think such a shame. He didn't mean to cause the injury. As far as his fans were concern, the kid was overzealous in his workout and his body gave up.

They don't know he made sure to tire this kid out all game. They didn't know he was purposelessly making the kid overwork himself to keep up. They didn't know he was being aggressive on purpose. They didn't know the kid was a liability the next game and that was why he targeted him. They didn't know he purposelessly killed this kid's dream.

Like he predicted, the kid walked off the court with the help of coaches and physical trainers and he was ruled injured the rest of the game.

He wanted to care, but he didn't. He gave up on hope a long time ago.

**CA**

After a shower and media interviews where he faked-concerned the fate of the kid but boosted his statistics, he finally made it back to his condo.

Thunder clashed loudly followed by lightening. He knew the predictability. After the lightning, thunder will follow and for the rest of the night lightning and thunder will play tag. The rain pounded against his high-rise windows that luminated his living room showing bare furniture.

He hated rain and thunderstorms. They reminded him of that night. But that's what he gets for being in the Northwest. So just like his life the past three years, he ignored the rain. He ignored everything. Including his teammates who wanted to hang out at a club and talk about that kid's injury.

He refused to think about the kid. If someone paid attention, that kid was his tenth player he'd taken out in the last two years. It was all for his boss and he hated it. He just wished. He just wished he could go back to the life three years ago. But all he could remind himself was six more months. Six more months and he's done.

He dropped his keys when he came in. The condo was dark and he liked it that way. But the only thing that was giving light besides the lightening being friends with the moon was the red blinking light. He frowned. He didn't like light. One of the things he rarely liked was the dark. He couldn't control the lightning, but he could control the red blinking light.

He pressed the button on his answer machine roughly and kept walking to his room, where there was no door. It was ironic for him to have his place with no doors, besides the front. For someone who liked privacy he wanted the no-doors. It made it easier to get where he wanted in case something went wrong. The no-doors made it easier to retrieve the small hand gun. After all, he was in a business where no one should trust anyone.

His voice echoed in his condo and he hated it. He was in his bathroom, clutching his sink while he listened to his boss' praise booming in his sanctuary. He bowed his head because he couldn't stand to look at him right now. He listened intently even though the message was being transmitted through amplified speakers.

"Saw the game, great job, kid. He was messing with the business. We're gonna make plenty of money with the Trailblazers next week without him in it. Oh, you're next game. I got a cocky sonvabitch betting on you. Thinks you're gonna score 50. I doubled-him nothing. You're to score under 20, got it? Come by normal hours for more… formal instructions. Great job, Keith Lee, star shooting guard of the Seattle Supersonics."

He ended the message with an evil cackled. He hated him with a passion. He ruined his life and made him a slave. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter he's playing his dream. He's playing as a slave. He'd rather be blacklisted.

Keith Lee looked up. His dirty blond hair and bluest-blue eyes stared back at him. He covered his tracks well. He grew out his hair. He couldn't be a true blond, but the bleach worked in his favor, even though his hair was black. He even dyed his eyebrows and facial hair to make it more realistic. The only thing he couldn't change was his eyes. But looking now, his eyes were different. They weren't lively anymore. They were dead.

Just like Nathan Scott. He wasn't Nathan Scott anymore. He died three years ago, when he had to leave his wife and baby boy all because he was stupid and desperate. Nathan Scott died and he was Keith Lee now.

He had to be Keith Lee to protect them.

**October 23, 2008. The South**

"Hi, Haley, it's Julia again. I'm just calling to remind you about your portion of the project. You were supposed to write the defense against our proposal that Dracula was gay?"

"Oh, shit," Haley said, as her eyes widened as she listened to her voicemail. She totally forgot about her portion.

"Mama, what's shit?" Her son, Jamie asked, his blue-green eyes widen.

Apparently "shit" was more interesting than playing with his peas. In response, Haley's doe brown eyes widen. She could have sworn she muttered the curse word low.

Like the parent she was, she answered in the softest sweetest voice she used to reassure her son. "Nothing, baby. Eat your peas. They're your best friends."

"No, they're not. My best friends is Uncle Lucas."

"Friend, baby. Uncle Lucas is one person."

"Huh?"

She bit the inside of her lower lip to stop the frustration. Of course her three-year-old son wasn't going to know anything about grammar. She was just so out of it today. Her portion of the paper – that her group was depending on her for – was due and now she had to worry about it. Her son obviously doesn't know grammar which is such a fail on her part since she's the grammar queen and all things English and she can't even get a simple task done, like get her son to eat his peas.

It was times like these where Haley wished she was a different person. She wished she didn't have to worry about a damn paper arguing Dracula was gay. Hell, all he really did in the book was go for women. But her group wanted to be edgy and one of the idiots (she doesn't remember who) remembered reading somewhere that Bram Stoker was gay. Her groups latched onto the idea, because of course, all authors of that time were just repressed homosexuals. At the time, she didn't care. She just stayed quiet in the group meeting and shrugged her shoulders.

She could care less if Dracula was gay. She could care less if all authors were secretly gay and used their characters to mask the immoral, sinful lifestyle. School was boggling her down and she had a three-year-old to take care of. What she really cared about was a time where things were perfect. A time where she was just pregnant and had a caring husband that just knew when to take care of her without asking what was wrong.

School was getting to her but she was so close to graduating. She had to make due. She needed a degree to provide for her son. Jamie was her everything. Despite being abandoned in her seventh-month of pregnancy and spending three years incredibly hurt, angry and sad at Nathan for leaving, she never once regretted Jamie.

Sure, Jamie gave her a hard time. It was to be expected when being a single mom. She had the pressure of not only providing for a child but raising the child and she had to balance school. Jamie didn't understand her sacrifices just yet and he was a touchy-feely child. He needed his mother almost constantly and when she couldn't muster the energy to walk out of class because Jamie wanted her to play with his toy with him, he'd throw a crying tantrum that could make her almost scream at him just to stop. She never did.

The pressure got to her sometimes. But in the end, it was worth it for her son. She needed Jamie. Even though she thought Nathan as a bastard every day, Jamie was still her connection. They made a beautiful child. Jamie had the intuitiveness of her and the stubbornness of his father. Physically, he looked like his best friend. And even though he gave her a hard time most of the time, she knew he was going to grow up a good kid. When it came down to it all, Jamie just really wanted his mother.

"Did someone say my name?"

Haley turned to her kitchen door to find her and her son's best friend enter with a little smile on his face that made all the girls swoon in Tree Hill. She even caught Jamie one time practicing that same smile.

"Uncle Lokus!" Jamie said, the spoon in his hand completely forgotten as he tried to wiggle out of his booster chair.

"Hey, Jim-Jam! How's my favorite doing?"

"Avoiding my peas. Mama said they're my best friends but you are."

"You bet your Scott-butt you are!"

Lucas kissed her on the cheek before moving to hug her son. Jamie squealed as he tried to squeeze with all his might around Lucas' neck as Lucas chuckled. Wordlessly, Lucas removed the buckles that confined Jamie and had him snug on his hip and Jamie talked animatedly about what happened on Scooby-Doo that morning.

Haley smiled at the sight. Even though they were brothers by blood, Nathan and Lucas looked different. Nathan took the pale, darker version of the Scott brothers while Lucas occupied the dirty-blond brooding, tortured artist. Nathan through and though was the athlete. She didn't know how it happened but her son looked more like his uncle than his father. Plenty of people in Tree Hill still think she and Lucas had an affair. But while Jamie looked like his uncle, personality he was his father. Haley hated it most days, but there was some where she slipped and missed her husband.

She just couldn't believe Nathan turned into his father. He always vowed to her he was nothing like him, and even to this day, a tiny part of her still believed that. How Nathan disappeared still doesn't make sense. But right when she thought about how that night didn't make any sense, the anger showed up on the dime. He's probably playing basketball somewhere right now, she just had no clue where.

"You okay, Hales?"

Haley looked up to see Lucas staring. He frowned a little bit but kept his voice light to make sure Jamie didn't pick up on the distress. He still held Jamie in the exact spot – snug on his hip – as he bounced him a little bit but his face was directly on hers. She noticed not only did she zone out on them but her phone was still on her ear. She quickly pressed the red button and set the phone on the counter before giving her best friend a huge smile, even though they both knew the smile was fake.

"Yeah. Thank God you came by, Luke. I completely spaced on this group project. I need to get my part done ASAP. Do you mind distracting Jamie?"

"Of course not. I came by anyway for our annual uncle/nephew bonding time. What do you say I teach you free throws Jim-Jam at the river court and then how to pick up girls with just your eyes?"

"Yeah!" Jamie said his hands in fist-pumps.

Haley laughed at the scene. "Don't teach my son how to be a heart-breaker," she said, before moving to say good-bye. "Bye, baby. Be good for mama. I love you." She gave him a big wet kiss on his cheek.

He returned the favor, adding smooching sounds that he only did with her. "Love you too, mama!" Lucas nodded at her before walking them out and she heard the last sayings of her son before she blew out a breath and tried to figure out how to bullshit that Dracula was gay.

"Uncle Lokus, what's gay?" Jamie asked.

**Please read and review. Personal messages will be returned after this!**

**CAli**


	3. Chapter 2 The Deal

It Never Seems

**Thank you for the comments! I am so sorry for the delay. I'm pretty sure you guys know what school is like. That's all I'm going to say because I'm pretty sure you guys don't want excuses : ) I know some of you guys are confused so I hope this clears a few things up. If not, I'll be happy to explain in personal messages. Speaking of which, those of you who reviewed will get spoilers for next chapter after this is posted so keep watch. Hope this keeps your interest.**

**pnkprincess01** - Thanks for the support! I'm sorry the story is making you sad but I guess I should take that as a compliment on my writing. I guess angst writing is my calling lol. Anyway, this is the darkest tone I've ever written and this chapter does have some sick fantasies all dealing with death but I promise there is some happiness or happy ending somewhere in here. Next chapter will build their reunion though ; ) Thank you again and I hope you come back for more!

**CAli**

Ch. 2 – The Deal

**October 23, 2008. The Northwest**

It rained every day here in Seattle. Nathan fucking hated the rain. The rain used to mean something special for him. The rain was his and Haley's thing. Something about the endless droplets of water symbolized his love for his wife. He used to be happy every time it rained.

Now the rain just made him want to kill himself. He used to joke with Haley how the greatest rock bands of the '90s committed suicide because they were from Seattle. The place was toxic and just gave depression. She'd call him out on it and asked what'd happen if he got drafted to Seattle and had to suck up to the fans about loving Seattle. And he'd always respond the same way: "I might hate the place, but I would love it because you're there. We're forever, Hales."

He had no idea how right he was about Seattle and rain. The place made him want to kill himself.

Every day, he contemplated committing suicide. Just take that small handgun to his temple and just end it. He didn't love basketball anymore. He worked for a mob boss who ruined his life in more ways than one and treated him like a slave. He left his wife and son for this life? A life where he was miserable and basically had no soul? It'd just be simpler with him gone.

It seemed so simple, too. Just wake up one more day and decide that fuck it. He wasn't doing anything to contribute in the world besides encourage crime. He's failed in more ways than one. Why bother living? Just pull that gun out of the dresser drawer. Turn the safety off because the gun is already loaded. Clock it back. Put the gun against his temple. Tell Haley he's sorry one more time and squeeze that trigger. And the pain will be gone. He didn't disappoint his family anymore. Haley didn't think he was a bastard anymore. Haley didn't have to think about all the awful mistakes he made for the past three years. Haley didn't have to cry anymore because he was one less evil in the world.

Nathan contemplated this every day. It'd just be so much simpler to kill himself than work for Dante. Every day, he was a fraction closer to grab that gun and kill himself. But every day, when he thinks today is that day, something stops him. He doesn't know exactly why he lives another day. He doesn't understand it.

Logic doesn't make sense anymore.

His life was over three years ago when he accepted money from Dante thinking that every man does this to keep his family afloat. He didn't want to disappoint Haley by failing to pay the electric bill. His father decided to be an ass and he had no where to turn to. He thought he'd accept the money from Dante and pay him back when basketball season was over and he could get a job. He never thought a loan shark existed in Tree Hill. And he was so stupid for not seeing the cliché a mile away. Nathan was never known for his smartness and this just proved it.

Nathan approached the warehouse right when the night sky was turning dawn. He remembered the one time he fell in love with dawn. He was with Haley, of course. They just married and they spent the night awake and compensating their love. He remembered he saw the orange haze floating on the comforter and he raised his head above to see the pretty colors slowly shining through their blinds. He eased Haley out of bed and they stood on their balcony with sheets covering them while they watched dawn approached.

He was so happy then.

He lived in Seattle for three years. He came to this same warehouse that established something bad was going to happen in a movie. He came every time dawn was supposed to approach the horizon. For three years, he never saw dawn because the sky was always a dark, murky gray.

It was a great metaphor for his life.

He smelled the rain in the air and ignored the thunders and water dripping from his blonde hair. His clothes were wet, but he didn't care. He just wanted this meeting over with. He knocked the secret knock and waited exactly two seconds before an eye window swung open. He didn't bother to nod or anything; he just stared at the bodyguard with a blank expression. The same bodyguard that beat the shit out of him three years ago.

It's funny how a routine went.

For three years, Nathan did Dante's dirty work in sports shaving and showed up right before dawn at his headquarters for more direction and a "payoff." He stood outside a warehouse and knocked three times with two beats. He'd stare at the bodyguard who stood watch and never blinked when the door swung open angrily. He'd ignore the bodyguard's shit-eating grin and walk further in the place he'd refer to as evil. He'd stop in front of Dante as the bastard swung gleefully in his chair. The only thing separating them was an oak desk worth more than Nathan's soul.

"Keith Lee!" Dante said, every time. "My man, you are extraordinary."

"My payout," Nathan said, every time. He never looked Dante straight in the eye.

"Keith, Nathan, whoever the fuck you are, why don't you sit down and talk. We actually have a lot in common."

Nathan kept silent. He always did. He didn't want to talk to the bastard who ruined his life.

"Fine," Dante said, throwing a small vanilla envelope on the desk big enough and thick enough to fill a bunch of Benjamin's. "Be a bitch. When's your next game?"

"You know when."

"You know, I'm getting sick and tired, just a little bit, of your fucking attitude. I fucking made you, Keith. I gave you your dream, and this is the treatment I get?"

"You have everything from me," Nathan said, looking up.

This is what he feared. Looking Dante straight in the eye made this uncontrollable anger swell and he feared he'd do something that will get him killed. Even worse, he feared if he did something out of line, Haley and his son could be the pay out.

"There it is. The passion. You don't have it when you're on that court. Do you need motivation, Nathan? Because I'm noticing you hate the game you always loved. If I fucking notice it, it's only a short time before the media notices. And we don't fucking want that, do we, Nathan? Or should I say Keith Lee?"

"No."

"Good. Now be a good little bitch and tell me when you're next game is."

"Thursday. Against Charlotte."

"You're to score under 20. Hell, for the hell of it, let's give you a poor game since you're showing your bitterness. Under 10. Then maybe you'll get your cut for this one, if you show me some respect."

Pfft. Respect. Nathan desperately tried not to think about Haley every time he was around Dante. It was just too painful of what Dante made him give up. But the fact that Dante thought Nathan should respect him after all Dante did made Nathan's anger boil. Nathan screwed his eyes shut and by default thought of Haley. Her beautiful smile, the way her face glowed every time she looked at him and the love in her eyes. He imagined her saying "I love you," and even though his heart raced every time she said it, those words calmed him. The serenity of his wife calmed him from mauling Dante.

Nathan slowly opened his eyes and dropped his gaze to the floor. He nodded once, grabbed the envelope and turned without another word. Each step he took, he replayed what Dante did in his mind.

It's funny how a routine went.

For three years, Nathan did Dante's dirty work in sports shaving. The day after a game, right before dawn, Nathan stood in front of a warehouse that represented everything evil. He'd knock the secret knock, ignore the bodyguard and get directions and a payout from a mob boss that ruined his life. He'd accept the directions and the money and he'd walk away thinking about the catalysis that made him leave his wife.

_The anonymous notes about nothing were increasing. Then the large amounts of money on the doorstep. The doorbell rang and Haley told him to answer it. He opened the door to find a box wrapped like a present. Haley was busy in the other room and Nathan took the box quietly in the living room. A feeling settled in the pit of his stomach that he didn't like. He opened the box to find pictures of his wife doing every day things. He swallowed as each picture got more intimate and he almost went ape-shit at the last photo: his wife sleeping and the bare skin of her back showing that the photo was taken after they made love. A tape was found inside the box._

Every day, after Nathan contemplated killing himself, he thought about killing Dante. He thought about hiding the small handgun inside his raincoat and just ending this nightmare. Dante thought he was sheep; someone easily controlled. The bodyguard never checks. He thought about looking Dante straight in the eye and just pulling the gun with lightening speed. Pull the trigger. Shoot Dante between the eyes and never take mercy on the bodyguard. He thought about killing Dante effortlessly since Dante took his life effortlessly, but that bodyguard won't get mercy. He fantasized he'd shoot the bodyguard in his knee and tie him up as he beat him viciously like he did to him three years ago. He'd take a lead pipe and beat his face in until his eye sockets were hollow and his teeth were smashed in. He'd kick his nose in and swing a baseball bat until his jaw was unhinged.

Nathan had a lot of sick fantasies when it came to that bodyguard. But just like he couldn't kill himself, he couldn't become a vicious killer and take out Dante and the bodyguard. And it was the same conclusion.

Nathan Scott was a coward.

**October 23, 2008. The South**

"Mama, look!" Jamie said, as his head excitedly twisted back.

Haley looked up just in time to see her son twist enough to give him whiplash. Her instincts took over.

"Jamie, be careful!" She said, raising her voice.

Jamie looked at her in shock and she could see the tears build in his eyes. Great, now her son probably thought she was mad.

"I-I sorry, mama," he said, hiccupping as his bravery not to cry crumbled quickly.

She really needed a vacation, but she pushed the stressed thought away as she went to her son and did damage control. She wanted to roll her eyes at how sensitive Jamie was being right now. Why was her son such a crybaby? She slipped and thought that if Nathan was here, her son won't even know what crying was. As she cradled Jamie and explained she wasn't mad and that it was okay, she admonished herself for thinking of Nathan again.

_That bastard left_, she told herself. _He doesn't deserve your what-ifs. So stop it._

"It's okay, Jim-Jam. You just scared mama with how fast you turned your head."

"I just wanted you to see," Jamie said, trying to control his sobs. "People singing, mama."

Haley followed Jamie's tiny finger as he pointed in the general direction to his right. She looked up to see the end of an American Idol ad on TV. She nodded as she cooed her son. For a few minutes she rocked back and forth before Jamie's breaths calmed and he snuggled into the crook of his neck.

One of the plus things about Jamie crying was that he was always exhausted afterwards, which meant a couple hours worth a nap and as bad as it is to say, but it was a couple of hours worth of Haley not dealing with Jamie.

She doesn't know why the stress was getting to her. She's had three years of experience now being a single mother and Jamie wasn't as bad she made him out to be. He just needed attention from his mother, and she understood her son's attachment, but sometimes it was just too much to handle especially being a full-time student. Sure, she had help in the form of Lucas, but Jamie never spent a night without his mother. He just absolutely refused. She loved it, really. But sometimes she just wanted space.

But here's the thing about space. Every time Lucas was able to distract Jamie long enough for Haley to do something for herself, she always thought of Nathan. He sure as hell didn't deserve her thoughts, but she couldn't help it. Her thoughts always wondered to him and she thought if he was happy. Wherever he was, he was probably playing basketball. She'd thought back to that nasty fight they had when they had unprotected sex and Dan put it in his mind that she was pregnant to keep him away from basketball. They worked it out eventually, but she couldn't help but wonder if Nathan really thought that and finally left during her seven-month pregnancy.

Did he love basketball more than his family?

And to top it off, Jamie was showing an interest in basketball. It scared her to death. She knew it was irrational, but what if Jamie leaves her for basketball too? How could an inanimate object be more important than her? She knew it was silly that she feared her son will leave her for a stupid game, but her husband did. And she was way worried that this could be a Scott curse and be like father, like son. Maybe Lucas' sensitivity could turn her son gay…? He's already enough of a crybaby because of him…

_Okay, now you're going to hell_, Haley thought to herself. _You don't wish your son is gay, please forgive me, Lord. I think I really need a vacation._

Haley sighed as tucked Jamie in for his nap. She looked down on his sleeping form and smiled and he mumbled his love and subconsciously put his thumb in his mouth as he curled to his side.

One look at her son was all it took.

A lot of shit happened to Haley, especially the last three years. She wished death on Nathan half the time, but most of the time she hoped he was okay. And it was because of her son. No matter how much Jamie got on her last nerve, she still loved him with everything and it's because of Nathan. They made a beautiful child together. She'll always love her son, crybaby or not, gay or not.

And as much as she wished she didn't, as much as hated him, she'll always love Nathan.

She walked downstairs just when the house phone started to ring. Haley rushed to the kitchen just in case the loud ringing doesn't wake Jamie. Her breathless hello was met with Lucas' cheery voice.

"Hey, what are you doing right now?" He said.

"I just put Jamie down for a nap," Haley said. "Speaking that you called. I think we need to have a little chat about your sensitivity. I think you're rubbing off Jamie."

"Jamie's a crybaby because he's a mama's boy. It happens. I'm a mama's boy and I was very emotional growing up, but sensitivity now gets me chicks. Deal with it; your son is going to be a panty-dropper."

"Lucas!"

"You brought it up! Anyway, I didn't call for this. Can I come over? I got a deal for you."

"What kind of deal?"

"A deal you can't refuse."

**End chapter. Please read and review. Again, I'm sorry for the delay and the weekends are open for me now to write freely.**

**CAli**


	4. Chapter 3 The Convincing

It Never Seems

**I AM VERY SORRY FOR THE LONG DELAY! As most would know, I'm college student and this is my last semester, so I've been busy crazy like no joke. But there are no excuses. The upside of graduating is that I have to find a job. This means more time out of the day to set aside allotted time to write more. Hopefully, this makes up for it. There's plot. : ) Oh, as always the prompt belongs to kaya17tj. Special shout out to her for being on my ass. **

**Personal responses:**

**Lynne – Thank you for loving this story! I hope you will love it more after this long absence. Lol I'm glad it's very different; don't get me wrong, I love Naley but the lovey-dovey stuff you see on TV needed some action and this is what my sick mind came up with. Lol. We're barely got into the depth of this, so I hope you stick around. Next chapter, we'll start digging in, especially where Nathan is concerned. Thank you for your support!**

**CAli**

Ch. 4 – The Convincing

**October 23, 2008. The East Coast**

"Hey-ho!" Lucas said, as he opened Haley's back door that led him to the kitchen.

Haley rolled her eyes before she turned her upper body around and found her best friend with a thick manila folder in his hand. She frowned a little before she turned back to her bowl of strawberries. She ignored his mischievous grin also.

"What do you want, Lucas?" She asked.

"Whoa, attitude. I'm gonna need you to leave and give me back my best friend."

"Ugh, I'm sorry, Luke. It's just been a long day." She rubbed her face and made eye contact with Lucas, who was on the other side of the island.

He slapped the package down and his smile lost a little bit of happiness as he took a long look at her.

She imagined he saw the bags formed under her eyes, no matter how subtle they were (not really if you saw her every day like Lucas.) He also probably saw the craziness in her eyes. And, oh, yeah, her face was breaking out.

"Then I should expect the attitude to stay," Lucas said. "Before I show you the package, though, are you okay?"

Haley sighed and dropped her strawberry that she was munching on. She licked the juices off her fingers before she cupped her face with her hands. She stayed in that position for a few good seconds and just breathed. Afterwards, she smoothed her hands back to her hair and smiled softly at Lucas. She kept it together for three years. She refused to break down now.

"I'm okay," she said. "You know how hard it can get."

"Just say the word, Hales, and I'll move in. Make everything easier for you and Jamie."

"I'm fine, Luke. I know you enjoy your little bachelor pad with Skills and Mouth."

"My nephew and best friend are more important."

"And I love you for that. But I can do this. Now what kind of deal do you supposedly have for me?"

She laughed a little to ease the tension and he smiled along with her.

"You're gonna fight me on this," he said.

"What is it?"

He cringed at her wariness but decided to be cute about it. He bared his teeth and swayed his head side-to-side as he slid a stack of papers from the manila folder.

"I signed you up for American Idol auditions." He made a show of groaning his answer.

"No."

"Haley –"

"No! No fucking—"

"Mama?" Jamie said, as he stood at the edge of the stairs with his quilt in one hand and draped over his tiny shoulder and a teddy bear in the other hugged tight to his stomach. "What's fucking?"

**October 23, 2008. The Northwest**

Nathan laid in bed in misery. He didn't want to leave. His flight was scheduled with the team to travel to North Carolina in a few hours. The Bobcats. He was supposed to play against the Bobcats with a straight face.

He already puked his stomach contents twice. Traveling to North Carolina always did this to him. He'd be two hours away from his family maybe six times a year and he swore God does it on purpose to torture him. The pain and regret overwhelms him every time.

Six times a year, he boarded that plane to North Carolina looking sick as a frail man. Face pale and sweaty, breathing irregular and clammy hands, he would walk up those private jet steps the team organization provided. His teammates would look on concern and inform the coaching staff and trainer. Nathan would sit and try to control his body's reaction to North Carolina.

Without fail, six times a year, his coaches and trainer would ask if he was sick. Could he tough this out? Did he need a hospital? He looks dehydrated; do we have "special" drink for him? Does he need to throw up? What did he do last night; did he eat anything bad? They really need you on the floor for the game, what antibiotics does he need to get him better?

They didn't understand that this wasn't some kind of outside reaction. He wasn't sick and he didn't eat anything bad. He lay in bed last night in dread because he made a terrible mistake and he couldn't see the family he left behind. This was his body punishing him. And he wanted to take the beating.

So Nathan would politely refuse anything except water. He would tell his coaches and trainer that it was nothing; just something his body would go through every once in a while. He just needed rest and he would do anything to play the game and not to worry. No matter what, Keith Lee was dedicated to this game.

He knew what to say to get his coaches to back off and in return, they would praise him for his hard-work and commitment to this game in press conferences. Nathan hated it. He never deserved everything that said about him. No man was good if he gave up his family for a game.

And it didn't matter if Dante told him to play bad or good against The Bobcats. He always played his worse games in North Carolina. ESPN picked up on it, and if he was his high-school version he would be pissed about it. He would've allowed more drugs in his system so he could be the best. But now, he wished he had those drugs.

Nathan wished he could overdose on those steroids to end the pain.

*Beep* "Yo, Nathan. The team's freaking, but I'm worried. Where are you? Come on, man, we need you. Pick up your cell. If I don't get a callback in five minutes, I'm coming over."

Nathan sighed and sat up from his bed. He didn't need Tony Battle, his teammate, coming over to check on him. A wave of nausea hit him and he ran to his bathroom. After he was done, he went back to his bedroom for the small duffel bad and took a deep breath. It actually took him five minutes to leave his condo.

**October 23, 2008 – The East Coast**

There were times Haley was so pissed off at Lucas; she would stop talking to him entirely for days. The longest was their horrible fight when she caught Lucas cheating on Brooke with Peyton and he got into that car crash before she could get a level head and apologize. After the whole ordeal, she swore to cherish everything about her best friend and not let anything get between them.

Haley thought back to that day she vowed that promise and decided she was stupid, hormonal teenager who didn't know any better. Lucas was a little bitch for going behind her back and she definitely was going to give him a piece of her mind.

Right after she's done lying to her son about not saying "fucking" but "fudging."

It took twenty minutes of arguing with Jamie and then finally just turning on Scooby-Doo and coming back with a bowl of ice cream. She hesistated on the ice cream because she knew Jamie would be bouncing off the walls if he had sweets after a nap and she glared at Lucas when Jamie asked for three scoops. At least Lucas shrunk under her gaze.

Once she got Jamie settled, Haley went back to the kitchen, grabbed the thick manila folder and pinched Lucas's ear. She dragged him down the hallway to her bedroom and ignored his repeated "ow"s and Jamie's franctic shrieks that she stop hurting his Uncle Lucas.

She closed the door and locked it. Haley saw a sliver of her son when she locked the door, followed by pounds and shrieks Jamie produced. Normally, she wouldn't treat her son so crass, but she was beyond livid.

"I told you!" She said in Lucas's face. "I fucking told you no singing! I have a son to take care of, and you do this bullshit behind my back?"

"Haley, calm down—"

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down! What the fuck, Lucas?"

"You need a break, okay!"

"Newsflash, Lucas, when you have a child, there are no breaks! How can be so careless with my wishes?"

"Funny, you wished your whole life you could be a singer. Especially with Nathan."

"Don't fucking say his name! Okay, yeah, once upon a time I wanted to be a singer, but real life happens. I don't have time to be a singer. What part of providing for my son don't you understand? A silly dream isn't going to do anything for him, but a degree will."

"You've never thought like that before! Singing was your life, Hales!"

"Grow up, Lucas! Jamie is my life now!"

Haley watched as Lucas opened his mouth but then closed it. He grunted in exasperation and pulled his hair. He started to pace and she thought it was ironic. Shouldn't she be the one upset; pulling her hair and pacing because her stubborn so-called best friend went behind her back?

She took a couple deep breaths before she realized how hysterical Jamie was being outside the door. His shrieks were full throttle and if she didn't react soon, a neighbor would probably hear him and call the cops. Last thing she needed was being seen as an unfit mother before she locked herself in her room with a man while her son screamed murder. She walked towards the door and hissed one last thing to Lucas.

"Cancel the audition. And don't ever do that again."

Once she reached the doorknob, Lucas spoke. "I can't."

Haley turned her head back towards him. "No, you will. I mean it, Lucas, I'm not going. Singing is dead to me."

"I don't believe that. Look, you need an escape," Haley started to shake her head and he gently approached her. "No, Haley, please. Hear me out?"

She sighed. "Thirty seconds."

"I can't cancel the audition because I paid for it. Non-refundable."

"Sonvabitch!"

"I'm sorry! Well, I'm not really, but if anything, do the audition because of that. Hell, you can blow it for all I care. But I really think singing would heal you. You're struggling, Hales, I see it every day and it breaks my heart. If you won't let me move in to help with Jamie then at least try this. Maybe you'll fall in love again. Just please. Take this chance."

Lucas got her there. He knew if she was too stubborn to do anything, the only way to make her do something was to pay for it. She was still pissed, and probably would be for the longest time, but she had no choice but to do the audition. It had nothing to do with the heart-felt speech he gave her that made her eyes watered.

"You're doing my laundry for a month," she said as she turned to open the door.

Jamie ran in and she started to sink down to her knees for his level. She expected him to run into her arms in a blubbery mess but instead he ran past her and collided with Lucas's legs. Lucas laughed a little and bent down to pick him up. Jamie cried into his shoulder as Lucas rocked him a little and rubbed his back, cooing at him and telling him everything was okay.

Lucas smirked at her and she glared back. She felt a little hurt her son didn't run to her for the first time. She spent the rest of the afternoon apologizing to her son for being mean to Uncle Lucas and promising never to hurt him ever again. Then she had to put on marathon of Scooby-Doo and provide ice cream to both boys.

She really did hate Lucas beyond extreme measure for milking this.

**October 25, 2008 – The East Coast**

Nathan played horrible like he predicted. He played half a quarter the whole game because of seven turnovers within the first ten minutes of his game playing. He took the yelling from his coaches and accepted his punishment of extra suicides when they get back to Seattle in silence. His teammates patted his shoulder in sympathy but Nathan never gave a reaction.

He decided to take a shower in the arena instead of the hotel. Although it was team policy to leave as a team, there were few exceptions as long as security was around. Nathan made sure he talked with head of security of the Time Warner Cable Arena that he needed one security to stay behind. After he was granted his request, he informed his coaching staff and walked away without a word to the showers.

He stayed in the shower for thirty minutes thinking his life was pathetic.

When he got out he saw a shadow at the end of the room where his bag was. He stopped and fear swam in his veins. His gun was in his hotel room and he had no idea what he did wrong for Dante. He had less than ten points in the game.

He approached with caution and made sure he was on the balls of his feet, in case there was a surprise attack. Nathan didn't think it would help, but he closed his right hand to a fist and prepared for whoever was around his bag.

Nathan approached and hesitated for a couple seconds. He was a few feet away from the man, and he didn't seem to sense anyone behind him. Nathan thought he was either very coy or very stupid to be a tail. With his fist raised, Nathan called out to him.

Nathan flinched when he saw it was his teammate, Tony Battle instead of Dante's goons. He lowered his fist and exhaled quite dramatically. Tony took his ear buds out of his ears and chuckled.

"You're jumpy," he said.

"What are you still doing here?" Nathan asked.

"I waited behind for you."

"Why?"

"Because you're my teammate, man."

Nathan sighed and started rummaging through his bag. "Go back to the hotel, Tony."

"Hey, is everything all right?"

"Everything is peachy."

"Look, we aren't really friends, I get that. But I see you self-destructing every day and truth be told, it breaks my heart. Do you wanna talk?"

"No, I don't want to talk! We've been teammates for three and half years, and now you want to talk? Now you care? Leave me alone, Tony!"

"Keith, man, I see it every day. And yeah, maybe I should've spoke up sooner. But something's not right."

"You don't know anything, Tony."

"Then tell me something."

Nathan got in his face. "Walk away. Don't try and come in here, thinking you could save me. There is no saving because nothing is wrong."

Tony sighed and put up his hands in surrender. "You might think you're trapped, but you're not. When you're ready, we can talk, Keith. I mean it."

"Go the fuck away."

"Whatever you want, but you shouldn't be afraid of your own shadow, Keith. I can help."

Nathan waited until the footsteps disappeared. He was still rummaging through his bag after Tony left but then in spontaneous violence, he grabbed the bag and flung it to the other side of the wall. He screamed out in frustration and kicked the wooden cubby several times. His foot quickly bruised but he felt a little bit better.

It was a shadow and Tony was starting to notice. How could everything be so fucked up? Nathan worried that Dante's goons kept showing up on his road games brought suspicion to Tony. If Dante found out, there would be a hit issued and Nathan was afraid Dante would recruit him.

He had to get Tony off his back, and fast.

**I know some of you hate me for taking my sweet-ass time, but it really wasn't taking my time. School is just important to me and it's paying off now. Hope to keep you all for the next chapter.**

**CAli**


	5. Chapter 4 The Stubbornness

It Never Seems

I've simply realized I made a mistake last chapter. I don't know why, but I was confused with the order and named last chapter, chapter four instead of three. I will fix that and this is the real chapter four. Lol. I hope everyone likes this and I'm terribly sorry again with the delay. Personal messages to who review will be coming soon for the next chapter. Enjoy!

CAli

Ch. 4 – The Stubbornness

**October 30, 2008 – The East Coast**

The knocking was very consistent. By the time Haley left the room and emerged in the hallway, the knocking increased in that annoying-fast pace knock that had no breaks in the pattern. When Haley reached the kitchen door, where the knocking source was coming from, she had her infamous glare on display.

She yanked the door open and her eyes narrowed in intensity, making her glare sharper.

"Hi, Haley," Lucas said as he leaned against the door frame. "Are you still mad?"

She continued to glare.

"Hales, it's been a week! You can't be mad forever and you can't keep Jamie from me. I bet he's annoying you about where his Uncle Luke is."

She was consistent with the glare.

"You can't be stubborn forever."

She slammed the door in his face and ignored the knocking.

"Jamie will call the cops!" Lucas said, yelling through the door. "You know he will. He loves his Uncle Luke!"

"Watch me," Haley muttered as she walked back to the living room to finish folding the laundry.

She might've agreed in the heat of the moment last week about American Idol but the more she thought about it, the more she convinced herself she couldn't do it. So she scrapped up whatever money she needed to pay Lucas back for the audition fee. When he refused, her anger got the best of her. She flipped and left the money anyway.

During her storm out, she figured she had no choice but to do the audition. But Lucas didn't need to know that and she wanted to put him through hell. Especially when Jamie came running into the living room saying that money was dropped inside the mail slip on the door and asked if he could keep the $250.

"Finders keepers, right momma?"

_Damn asshole_, Haley thought. So her revenge was to completely ignore Lucas until the audition. Jamie could keep asking questions. She was a master at dodging the answers.

**October 30, 2008 – The Northwest**

Nathan's face was sweaty, almost to the point where his vision was starting to blur because of the droplets. But he still kept going. His muscles strained as he pushed up then let the bar come down in a controlled pace. He was in the team weight room and has spent the last hour lifting weights. Just weights, no cardio and no water breaks. He felt this extreme need to bulk up.

He had to be stronger to take down Dante.

No, this wasn't his liberation. He didn't have enough of this hell and wasn't going to rebel against the monster and go back to his family and spend the rest of his life asking for forgiveness from his wife. He was a coward in that sense, and he always would be.

But he had to be stronger in case Dante decided to take out a hit on him or even worse, one of his teammates. Nathan wasn't afraid to admit that working this long for Dante had him paranoid. He needed to be stronger to out-power Dante's goons. So if overexerting himself was the way to prepare than he would do it all day, every day.

He was by himself and thirty minutes before he added an extra 50 pounds on the bar. He was bench-pressing 250 pounds and laid down horizontal. His trainers and coaches would absolutely disapprove if they found out he was doing this without a spotter. Something that heavy and the rate he was going with no breaks for water was just a recipe for disaster.

But he continued. He did his reps with anger thoughts. His voice screaming in his mind the numbers along with every discouraging name he could think of. He was a coward, after all. His water ball sat still beside the bench but wasn't touched in two hours. The ice inside probably crystallized and the water was warm. His lips were dry to the point that licking them didn't help. His body vaguely yelled at him to get some hydration in his system. His muscles strained in pain.

He ignored all the signs his body told him and kept going. He counted eight in his head when he pushed the weight off his chest and when he lowered his arms his right buckled. The bar was halfway down when it crashed down on his chest. The impact took his breath away and gasped several times before he tried to lift the weight off.

Nathan took a deep breath and held it which bubbled his face with red as he tried with all his might to lift the weight off. He groaned and even tried to flay his legs before they planted firm on the ground and he pushed off, but his arms wouldn't budge. The weight pinned his chest and he thought maybe this was the end.

How an ironic way to die; lifting weights while training for the very same sport that he loved and in return, ruined his life. He thought of suicide every day but could never bring himself to do it, but here was God obliging his wish. An accidental death; he smirked when he gave up. God sometimes had a great sense of humor.

He closed his eyes and immediately memories of Haley came to mind. Every night, before he met Dante, they would cuddle in bed before they passed out and talked about their future with their son. They fantasized how he would look; Nathan's eyes, Haley's chestnut hair, his athleticism and her kindness and personality. They talked about names, who the godparents should be and most importantly, what kind of parents they would be. Nathan vowed he would never be like his father, that he would encourage his son to be whatever he wanted and try his hardest in everything he did and most importantly, he would tuck in his son every night and tell him he loved him. He would look into his wife's eyes and felt his love swell deeper when she looked at him and he knew she would be the best mother in the world. She would love their son, cherish him, protect him, encourage him, and teach him everything about being a kind human being in this mean world.

His last dying wish was that he could meet his son and tell him he loved him.

Then he could breathe.

Nathan opened his eyes. He was shocked that he could breathe. He was supposed to die! When his vision cleared, he saw two hands lift the bar and set it back on the handle. Then the guy's face appeared above him. Anger boiled all over Nathan once he found out who was his savior was.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nathan said as he sat up.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tony said as he looked at him in disbelief and concern.

"Working out."

"Bench-pressing 250 pounds without a spotter? What the hell is wrong with you, you almost died."

"I had it. What are you doing here?"

"I got word you haven't left yet. Everyone's been gone for two hours. Man, good thing I decided to check on you."

"You need to stop stalking me," Nathan said as he grabbed a towel from Tony and took huge gulps of his warm water. He walked past Tony. "I mean it, leave me alone."

"Keith. Keith, come on, man! You can't be stubborn forever."

"Watch me," Nathan muttered as he headed straight for the door.

**November 1, 2008 – The East Coast**

"Momma? I don't feel so good." Jamie said, moaning as he held his stomach with puppy dog eyes.

Haley really wanted to roll her eyes but instead she sighed in amusement. Damn her cute, lovable son.

"The one time I let your Uncle Lucas see you in a week, and he gets you sick on candy," she said as she scratched his hair gently over and over again.

Jamie's eyes widened in worry. "Don't be mad at Uncle Lokus, momma! I tricked him with my charms to let me eat all the Halloween candy. It's my fault, momma, my fault!"

"Oh," she chuckled as she rubbed his stomach. He cuddled further into her. "Okay, baby. I won't be mad at Uncle Lucas since it was your fault." She kissed his head and squeezed him tight. She closed her eyes when he squeezed back.

No matter how chaotic her life got, this is what mattered the most for her. Her son was her number one priority. She wished Lucas would see that. She knew he meant well. But singing was dead to her, like Nathan. She had to be a mother and a father to her son and she was perfectly fine with giving up her life for her son. Why couldn't Lucas understand that?

Jamie stayed tucked into her side and she vowed silently that she wasn't going to put herself before her son. Look at them, now. Jamie had a stomach ache because he ate too much candy. She had to take care of him, not worry about singing. When the thought came across, Haley subconsciously flitted her eyes opened and automatically seeked out the manila folder mocking her at the kitchen table. She gave an irritated sigh. She felt extremely horrible that Lucas wasted all that money but her mind was already made up. Jamie needed her, so singing was dead. She would go to the audition but she would blow it. Her son deserved more.

"Momma?"

"Yes, baby?" She looked down to see Jamie looked at her for a second before he grabbed her hand and started smoothing his index finger on her soft skin.

"Why are you sad?"

"What? I'm not sad, baby."

"You sound like it. That sigh. Are you still mad at Uncle Lokus?"

"No, baby. I'm just a little disappointed in him."

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't know how to take no for an answer. He just wants Momma to chase her dreams and that's not an option right now."

"You can run in your sleep?" His eyes were wide in astonishment. Haley couldn't help but chuckle.

"Not those dreams, baby. When you grow older, you'll have dreams about your future. Something that interests you and that you're very passionate about. This dream will make you who you are. But when you're a big boy."

"Momma?"

"Yes, baby?"

"What's your dream?"

Jamie tucked himself back into her side. He didn't see the small, sad smile her body involuntarily gave. "Singing," she said.

"I miss your singing."

"Do you want me to sing you to sleep every night like I used to?"

"Yeah, but I miss your singing every day. And I want to see you on TV. Momma, the world deserves to hear you sing."

"Jamie," she said, frowning. She pulled his chin up so he could look at her. "Did your Uncle Lucas put you up to this?"

His eyes widened and his lips perused. "Nooooo," he said. Haley thought he looked so innocent and guilty at the same time.

Her voice was firm. "James Lucas Scott."

"Okay, yes, but don't be mad at him. He can't take it. And neither can I. I want you on TV, Momma, so I can brag."

"Brag about what, baby?"

"I wanna go to pre-school and tell anybody who would listen – 'cause I'm cute so they will – that my Momma is on TV singing bootiful. You're bootiful, Momma, and you make angels cry when you sing. I want to tell everyone that and Uncle Lokus says that's bragging, so I want to brag!" He sounded so indignant after his little speech and he even pouted.

Haley felt the tears pricking in her eyes and she had to close them and laugh before she gave a response. "Oh, baby. Thank you."

Jamie sighed as he collapsed her lap. "You take my breath away when you sing, Momma. I just want to share that with the world. And maybe you'll make people smile when you sing. And maybe you'll smile too."

"I smile all the time, baby."

"Only when you're with me."

"Jamie, it's because I love you. You're the only thing I need," she grabbed his face when she said that.

Jamie never gave her his signature shy grin or cute smile. He looked dead serious and a little sad. "Uncle Lokus says that's unconditionnnell love. It's required for you. Momma, when you sing, you smile. And maybe the world needs that. Maybe the world wouldn't be so sad if you just smiled. You could be a hero and I could proudly say my Momma saved the world with a smile. And you'll start smiling to strangers again."

A tear rolled down her cheek. Jamie maneuvered back into her side and nestled his head on the side of her boob. "I just want the world to see how amazing you are, Momma," he said.

Something caught in her throat and it was hard to swallow. She kissed the top of his head and untangled him from her. "Let me get something for your stomach, baby," she said, barely in a whisper.

She went into the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, took out the kids version of Pep-Tol Bismal, sat it on the edge of the sink, looked at the mirror, and then cried into her hands.

**November 3, 2008 – The Northwest**

Sweat blurred his vision. He was back in the gym today and acted like nothing has changed. He worked out without a spotter and lifted weights outside the suggested weight to bulk up just in case Dante's goons decided to get physical. He's seen Tony since that day but a glare seems to keep him at bay. It was good that Tony was keeping his distance but he was still there. That didn't ease Nathan's conscience.

Nathan kept to his routine. He lifted weights non-stop until he felt his muscles give out and even then he prayed that what happened four days ago would happen again. But no, the pain receptors in his brain would scream and he would actually pay attention even though he hated himself for listening.

He counted his reps in his head as he let his mind wander to Tony. He needed a plan to get Tony off his back. Tony might've not mentioned anything in the past four days but Nathan has noticed his lurking. Tony showing concern would definitely tip off Dante's goon. He had no idea when they were watching, in fact, he had no idea they tailed him on away games until Tony mentioned shadows. That's when the fear flowed regularly in his bloodstream. He grunted as pushed the weight away from him then lowered the bar in that controlled pace. If only his life was that smooth.

What to do? What could he do to get Tony off his back? His teammate was very concerned for his health and he could fake it by giving charming smiles but he had a feeling Tony could sense he was that type of guy and wouldn't fall for it. Besides, he had no energy whatsoever to be that boy again. He was that boy who got his wife to smile shyly at him on their "first" date when he arrived late and gave her a Cracker Jack bracelet as an apology. He closed his eyes when his mind involuntary went back to that day. Tears formed in his eyes.

His heart broke every time he thought of Haley. His beautiful wife with an equally beautiful son was all alone in North Carolina. He hoped his brother stepped up. No, he knew Lucas would take care of his family but this guilt would never go away. Even if he somehow, someway escaped this mess, could he even go back? Could he even explain his stupidity and beg forgiveness? On his knees wouldn't even begin to cover all the hurt and pain he's caused. He knew damn well he didn't deserve it. Did he finally break Haley in every possible way and she wouldn't be herself? He always wondered if he finally did the most despicable thing where even his forgiving wife would never lift his condemnation.

His tears mixed in with the sweat but he still pumped the bar up and down.

"Dude, are you crying?"

The weight almost crushed him again. Only his luck the same bad thing would happen to him twice in four days. His arm buckled and he wheezed panic before the bar was lifted and set in place in the holder. He looked up to see who was his savior and frowned.

Of course Tony would be the one to save him for the second time in four days. Then Nathan cursed himself for being distracted. He was supposed to think of ways to get rid of his teammate but then his thoughts directed at his wife and he showed a moment of weakness. Fuck, man!

"You seriously need to stop stalking me," Nathan said as he got up.

"Keith, if you would just—"

"No! What part of 'leave me alone' don't you understand? I don't want your friendship; I don't want your help. There is nothing to help! And what is this, huh? All the sudden you care? Three and half years we have sat at that same bench together eight months out of the year and not once did you say a goddamn word! What am I, some charity case for the Black community?"

"No, man, I just needed the courage to talk to you. You've been in this downward spiral since I met you. And I should've spoke up sooner, I know, man, I'm sorry. But you're acting paranoid; you got dudes stalking you—"

"Stop! Look, for your own good, leave me alone. You can't save me; mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, you can't. Leave it be. I mean it, before you're dead, before we're both dead."

"Keith, let me help, I know people…"

_Nathan, help! Please! Don't let them do this! He physically blanched when he saw Haley bloodied and bruised and his son, a faceless figure, laid dead, his body in a twisted manner. Haley cradled him, holding his head so he could he see him. A bullet hole was clear in the middle of his forehead._

_Please! You were supposed to protect us! Her crying muffled most of plea and Nathan went to comfort her when Dante's shadowed figure suddenly appeared and he pushed him down in a barely flick of his finger. He looked up to see him loading a Mac-10._

_This is your fault, Nathan. Your wife and child are dead because you let Tony Battle get in your business. This is your fault._

_Nathan looked at Haley's crying face. He opened his mouth to tell her everything would be all right but then her screams filled his ears as he witnessed bullet fly into her body and stop snug like they belonged inside her body. Her body draped over their son._

"Keith? Keith, are you okay? Keith!"

Nathan shook his head and opened his eyes to see Tony, once again, hovered over him. In a blind panic, he realized he must've fell into the wall and slid down once the image conjured before him when Tony mentioned he could help. That was his worst nightmare. His family would be killed if his teammate got involved. Anger filled his body. He would never let that happen.

He suddenly stood up and gripped his hands into fists. Tony subtly back away once he caught his eyes and was smart enough to back away from the terror he saw. But Nathan wasn't going to let him get away.

"I'm sorry to resort to this," he said before he swung.

His right fist connected to Tony's left cheekbone and he went down unconscious. It was one knockout punch and Nathan wasn't proud. He stared at his teammate, who laid still, and he hoped he got a black eye. It would be the best warning he could muster at the time.

"Stay away from me," he said. "It's the best for the both of us. You can't save me."

Nathan walked away and spent the rest of his evening lying wide awake in his bed. He ignored Dante's message and closed his eyes. He tried to think of the happy times he had with his wife before everything went to shit. The best he could do was imprint on her beautiful smile.

**November 5, 2008 – The East Coast**

That damn manila folder mocked her. It laid on the dining room table ever since Lucas dropped it off last week and she avoided it like her life depended on it. But it was getting harder and harder to avoid it ever since her son gave her that speech.

She cried her eyes out that night and ghostly smiled the next day when Jamie asked her if she was okay. She reassured him and ignored his concerned face as she pretended everything was fine. Jamie didn't believe her and resorted to telling Lucas who in turned called her and his voice was filled with sympathy. She honestly couldn't handle it so his questions were answered in snide remarks.

She was still a little mad.

But her son got to her. He wanted her to sing and she couldn't say no to her son. No one could say no to Jamie – because he was so damn endearing, and the boy knew it. He was already used it to his advantage and his personality reminded her of Nathan. But she stopped the thought right there.

Nathan didn't deserve her thoughts. He was never coming back. So she concluded that Jamie learned his charms from his uncle. Damn the Scott boys.

Jamie was asleep in his annual nap. Haley sat curled in the couch and once again glanced at the damn manila folder instead of the TV where she was absently listening to Divorce Court. This time, she stared at the thing for a while.

What's the harm in at least trying? Damn it, she thought. Lucas get out of my head.

She was slowly crumbling, she had to admit. The stress of being a single mother and going to school was starting to play on her insanity. Maybe she could gain back some kind of semblance if she sang. It was only national television. If they said no, it wasn't the end of the world. Hell, her husband walked out, what are 30 million people witnessing her rejection going to do?

She could at least try, if anything, for her son.

Haley got up and walked towards the manila folder. She sat back down on the couch with the folder in hand and turned it over to open it. She pulled out several documents and read through them and realized Lucas only filled out one sheet and all that waited was her signature. The rest was just the procedure process of the audition. She had to register two days before the audition the closet one was in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and in two weeks.

Holy shit.

She picked up her cell phone on the coffee table.

"Lucas," she said. "Hey, do you think you can take Jamie for the next week during the afternoons? I'm gonna need to pick out a song and practice for American Idol."

**November 6, 2008 – The Northwest**

Three days since he punched his teammate and he was surprised he didn't get a suspension from the coaches. Tony kept quiet; if anyone asked he would just mumble something about a sucker punch in a bar. Everyone was surprised Tony was the type to go to bars since all he ever talked about was his wife. That was another reason why Nathan avoided him for three and half years. The pain was unbearable when Tony talked about how in love he was with his fiancée in the beginning.

So Nathan kept up his duties. Tony would sometimes make eye contact with him when they were on the court or in the locker room but he was nowhere to be seen in the weight room. So Nathan kept his workout routine in peace for three days.

But he should've known his life would never be "on track." Just because Tony kept his distance physically didn't mean a safe haven. When Nathan got home, he found a letter slipped under his door. His heart skipped one beat when he thought of the possibility that maybe – just maybe – Haley found him and wrote in a letter that she forgave him and the contents of the letter was her begging that he come back home and get to know his son.

He shook his head. There was no way. If Haley ever did find him, she wouldn't have sent a letter and she wouldn't have forgiven him. She'd probably show up with a baseball bat and beat his head in if ever found him. He definitely deserved it.

Instead, the letter had sixteen words and it was signed with a simple tee.

Shit.

_I'm not giving up. I know you need help, and when you're ready, I'll be here._

Nathan closed his eyes and slumped against his door. He held his tears for five minutes before the tiredness of his body gave up on him. He sank to the floor and cried.

**The plot thickens. Hope you guys enjoyed and I'll be hard at work writing the next chapter to Each Other's Comfort and soon this one too lol.**

CAli


	6. Chapter 5 The Process

It Never Seems

**I highly suggest you listen to this song while reading Haley's singing in the third break. Ignore the rap part. This is exactly how Haley would sing it. For some reason, fanfiction will not post youtube links. So, unfortunately, let's do this the long way. **

**http:/ / youtube .com / watch?v=2B50RUXbs-8 (delete the spaces once you've copied in the URL)  
**

**Also, I know the song was made in 2010 and this story is set in 2008-2009. Let's ignore that silly little concept for the sake of fiction, yes?**

**The ball picks up after this chapter. Prepare to be blown. Enjoy.**

**CAli**

Ch. 5 – The Process

**November 5, 2008 – The East Coast**

Even though she agreed, she dreaded it. She hasn't practiced since her husband left and the piano in the corner of the living room collected dust. There was a reason why it was in the corner and Haley was perfectly content with why. She never had to look at it. Looking at the piano reminded her of the first time she played for her husband when they were dating and how much she loved music. She hasn't held a single note for three years and here she was, about to audition for a popular singing talent show all because her son used his charm on her.

So she dreaded it. She dreaded just how much she was out of touch, how much she might just fall in love with it again. She remembered when she chose music over her husband and thought at the time that was the most she was hurt and was always hesitant to go back to the one thing that briefly broke up her marriage. Ironic how he left and here she was, staring at the old piano with cleaning spray and a cloth, and thought this was the most hurt she felt in her entire life. Her husband left and destroyed her self-worth to love music again.

She dreaded if she gave music another chance, she would love it and once again choose it over her family; this time over her son.

A tear escaped the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it. She cursed her husband. She once loved music, but she realized she loved him more and made a mistake then turned it to a promise. Music would never come before her family. Yet her family, her son, wanted her to love music again. It was a tortured cycle and she blamed her husband for making her afraid.

Rationally, nothing would come before her son. But this retched piano and the memory of her husband encouraging then destroying her love for music flared all the insecurity. She dreaded starting music again, but the encouragement over-powered. Her best friend, her son, and even her husband encouraged. She remembered that horrible storm where her husband revealed he followed her tour even though he was extremely hurt and angry at her leaving.

I was so proud of you. Never give up music, Hales.

She told herself this wasn't her husband's doing. This was her son's doing. Jamie wanted her to sing again. She was doing this for her son. So she pushed that memory away and did the first step.

She wasn't ready to play but she was ready to clean the damn thing.

**November 7, 2008 – The Northwest**

He wasn't happy, but accepted that Tony Battle wasn't going to leave him alone. But that didn't mean he had to talk to him. He silently accepted that Tony lurked in the weight room and walked with him to his car in the desolate parking garage. He even sighed like it was the world's biggest inconvenience when he found out Tony was going to be his roommate in the road games at the blurred hotels.

But he never said a word.

Nathan made it known that Tony was nothing more than a fly that never left him alone and he hoped Dante's goons saw that. Dante confronted him about Tony. Nathan simply gave him a vacant look and said if Dante trusted him a smudge, Tony wouldn't be around. He warned his teammate knew shady men trailed him which brought great concern. So in retro respect, it was Dante's fault he couldn't get rid of him.

That earned him a black eye. For a brief second, he was a wounded dog that took one beating too many. He felt fire burned in his irises as he kept his head down because of the impact. He breathed hard through his nose and clenched his right fist. He was ready to throw everything and charged. He bulked at least five pounds of muscle after the last visit and he knew he was bigger and stronger than Dante and his crew put together. He could be a crazy motherfucker and killed everyone and blame a psychotic breakdown.

But once again, the same thing that stopped him from killing himself stopped him from a homicidal rampage. His wife's face popped in his head; that terrified yet heartbroken look she gave him that accused he didn't protect his family while she cradled their dead's son head and his body laid despondent and full of gunshot holes.

So he stayed down and glared at everyone who opened their mouth to question the next day.

He never talked, but that didn't stop Tony from conversing. He talked about everything; from his family to his day to his likes and dislikes. They would lift weights while Tony talked and Nathan tried his hardest from snapping. After their regimen, Nathan would take a shower and would find the locker room empty. It was the only time he would find peace. He would sit at his cubby with only a towel wrapped around his waist and he would finger his wedding band he wore around his neck in a dog chain. He'd sigh and wish he didn't make a mistake. Then he would get dressed and hoped that maybe God existed and Tony wouldn't wait. But the moment he crossed the locker room threshold, there was Tony, leaned against the wall with his own duffel bag. He would straighten up once he saw Nathan and they silently would walk to their cars in the parking garage.

"Were you married once?" Tony asked.

"What?" Nathan frowned.

He turned around when he heard his teammate and was momentarily surprised that he entered the locker room this time. His body glistened by the droplets his hair dropped down his chest and stomach. He ignored the cooling feeling as his heartbeat picked up. Why did Tony have to be observant?

"The ring," he gestured at the simple gold band. "You never take it off."

"What does it matter to you?"

"Nothing, man. Just curious. Trying to get to know you."

"You know, I don't understand you. Three years, Tony. And now suddenly you want to know if I was married once?"

"You don't have to answer the question, man. I was just curious."

"I won't!"

The silence deafened until Tony mumbled an excuse to leave. Nathan hoped, prayed, even mumbled to himself several times that Tony left the building and wasn't just stalking him outside. He sat down on the wooden bench and sighed. He leaned back into his cubby until his head thunked against the back and sighed again. His finger went up to the chain and he fingered the ring. He licked his lips and closed his eyes as he remembered the night he proposed.

_I want this._

_I want you._

_I can't stand the thought of you not being my wife another day._

_Marry me._

_Love me forever._

_Love me always._

_I will always be there to protect you._

_Why can't forever start today?_

_Her beautiful lips slid against his. They stayed in his bed kissing until dawn. He couldn't stop touching her, constantly reminded himself that she was real. That she said yes, and she was going to marry him. It was real that they were going to ask her parents' permission and they were going to elope that night on the beach if they convinced her parents they were meant to be. It was real that he was going to be with her forever. He lucked out when he found Haley and he caressed every single inch of her skin as a promise that he would never let go. A promise that he would make her proud of him for being the best man to her and that he would always be there; be anything to her – a husband, a lover, a best friend, a protector, a supporter - just as long she would be with him until they died._

He opened his eyes. A tear leaked in the corner of his left eye. He lied; he couldn't be anything to her. He wiped the tear and took a couple of breaths before he got dressed and packed everything up. He hoped Tony left but he was right there the moment Nathan exited the locker room. He sighed and silently walked, Tony was in stride with him.

**November 9th 2008 – The East Coast**

Haley sat at the wooden bench and took a deep breath. She hesitated before she poised her shaky fingers above the appropriate keys. She spent two days obsessed with this song. She downloaded the song on her IPod, plugged in her headphones and only blasted her audition song when Jamie wasn't vying for her attention. The song played on replay until she got a good hang out of it. She watched YouTube videos of the lyrics and piano covers. She downloaded the sheet music and printed it. It laid straight in front of her on the piano but it was only until now she had the courage to practice it. Jamie was knocked out so there was nothing to stop her from practicing the song… except the courage to play the first note.

Something made her pause. Maybe it was stupid, but what if she played right here, right now, she would be choosing music again over her family. What if the love for music came rushing back that she would drown in her second chance and make the same mistake again? Her son was everything now; and music was something her husband always encouraged. Could she go back to something that ruined her life the first time around?

"_There is one thing that would make me feel better," Nathan smirked at her._

_She was on the other side of the counter at Karen's Café. It was quiet night in Tree Hill and her boss was probably enjoying a night in and Lucas was probably out brooding over Peyton and Brooke. It was just the two of them and she found herself liking the comfortable silence. They just went through some pretty tough drama, with Nathan collapsing, his parents divorcing, and him about to move out on his own. It was just the two of them and the way Nathan smiled at her made her giddy._

_She smiled back and gave a flirty giggle before she went back to wiping down the bar that separated them. He sat there, continued to play with his coffee mug but still looked at her like she was the only one. He still gave that broad smirk every time she looked at him. Finally, she couldn't take his coyness any longer._

"_And what is that?" She asked, with her hands on her hips. She tried to be affirmative but she knew she looked ridiculous._

_Nathan silently got up, took the rag out of her hand, and led her to the piano in the corner of the store. He pushed down on her shoulders and made her sit on the wooden bench and he sat next to her. She huffed and started to protest._

"_Nathan that one time was a mistake. You weren't supposed to—"she started but she was cut off with a single finger to her lips._

"_Don't. You asked me what would make me feel better besides sex about the drama that's going on. You're beautiful when you play, Haley. This would make me feel better."_

_She harrumphed. "Fine."_

_She played one of her favorite songs before she met Nathan. The song was about falling in love and floating in the dreams that love created. She closed her eyes the whole time she played and was surprised that she wasn't nervous when she played in front of her boyfriend. When she played, she felt him all around her. He was physically holding her, yes, but she saw him in his mind and as cheesy as it sounded, she felt him in her heart also. _

_She shivered when she felt his long fingers traced her neck line and scooted some of her hair behind her ear. She felt both his hands wrapped around her shoulders, careful not to hold on tight so she wouldn't mess up the song. Her eyes still closed, she felt his head nestled into her crook of her neck. She felt his breath on her skin though her shirt as he breathed out and heard the wetness procured between his lips then wet, soft kisses pressed in a line where her neck met her shoulder._

_She opened her eyes when she finished the lasting notes but it wasn't because the song ended. She opened her eyes because she felt wetness soaked through her shirt that covered her shoulder. It wasn't the kisses she felt when she sang the song. The wetness was thick and full of moisture and quickly absorbed in her shirt, unlike the dampness feeling his kisses left._

"_Don't ever stop playing music," Nathan whispered, his voice raw._

_And that's when she realized it. Nathan cried._

She opened her eyes at the memory. She looked down at the keys then slid her eyes towards the sheet music in front of her. She took a cleansing breath and read the musical notes. She pressed down on the first key but she held the note too long and it came out high-pitched. She cringed and immediately snatched her hand away.

Haley closed her eyes again. She told herself this wouldn't magically come to her. She stopped playing music the day after her husband left. Of course she was little out of practice. She took another breath and looked at the sheet music with determination. She poised her fingers over the appropriate keys again and with a slight tremble in her fingers, she tried again. This time the trinkle of notes came out in a smooth melody. The haunting tune drifted into her ears and she got the hang out it. She closed her eyes and played; soon enough her body swayed along with the beautiful heartbreak of the melody. With one last calming breath, she opened her mouth and sang.

_On the first page of our story  
The future seemed so bright  
Then this thing turned out so evil  
I don't know why I'm still surprised  
Even angels have their wicked schemes  
And you take that to new extremes  
But you'll always be my hero  
Even though you've lost your mind_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_  
_But that's alright because I like the way it hurts_  
_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_  
_But that's alright because I love the way you lie_  
_I love the way you lie_  
_Ohhh, I love the way you lie_

_Now there's gravel in our voices_  
_Glass is shattered from the fight_  
_And this tug of war, you'll always win_  
_Even when I'm right_  
_'Cause you feed me fables from your head_  
_With violent words and empty threats_  
_And it's sick that all these battles_  
_Are what keeps me satisfied_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_  
_But that's alright because I like the way it hurts_  
_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_  
_But that's alright because I love the way you lie_  
_I love the way you lie_  
_Ohhh, I love the way you lie_

_So maybe I'm a masochist_  
_I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave_  
_Til the walls are goin' up_  
_In smoke with all our memories_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
But that's alright because  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie_

She played the lasting notes as her body slowed down with the rocking. She opened her eyes and felt tears slowly tracked down her cheeks and her finger stayed on the note before she lightly let it go and the note faded like her emotion in the song. Her breathing sped up a little through the exhilarating rush. Her throat felt raw on all the high pitch notes she sang but she found herself liking the pinched pain. Her body felt it. Everything was tingling with excitement and love. The passion was coming back and she felt her lips twitched into a smile.

"That was beautiful."

Haley gasped and turned her head to see Lucas leaned against the doorframe of her foyer that led into her living room. He looked so happy and sad at the same time.

"Lucas," she whispered.

He pushed himself off the wood and walked towards her with his hands in his jean's pockets. He plopped down beside her and took his hands out and reached out to hug her sideways. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed her temple.

"It's okay to miss him," he said.

Immediately, the happiness she started to feel when she played for the first time disappeared and tears filled her eyes. The song was about her husband and with all the fears about music combined with this dormant feeling had her suddenly anxious. Anxiety hit like an unexpected force colliding with the side of her head. Why wasn't there common ground?

"I don't know what to feel about him," she brokenly sobbed. "I can't think about him because of Jamie and I have to be strong for my son. But when I do catch myself, I find myself torn hating him for leaving for basketball and missing him like crazy. Why can't he come back? Why can't he see our son? Why can't he see how much I need him? Then I realize it was our dreams that torn us apart. Music caused me to leave him."

"But you came back."

"And he didn't! Basketball caused him to leave and he hasn't come back. It's been three years, Lucas, and I gave up my dream to take care of son and I'm drowning!"

"Shh."

"He encouraged music, Lucas! He encouraged me to follow my dreams and have my family. Why couldn't he do the same? Why was it one or the other for him? Why do I love music so much but think about him? Why can't I have one or the other? Why does music remind me of him and all I want to do is hold on and forget."

For hours, all Lucas could do was held her. His shirt was ruined, but he didn't care. Haley was hurting and she needed all this out. She clutched his shirt in a death threat and uncontrollably sobbed and her body shook and hiccups started. Lucas never let go. His silent tears cursed his brother for leaving his wife so broken and angry and lost. Finally, the sobbing seized, the hiccups faded and all there was left was Haley's soft breathing and ever-so-often sniffle.

Lucas held on tighter. "The one good thing Nathan did was love you and encourage your music," he spoke softly into her hair.

"Lucas, please," she mumbled.

"No, look, I know you don't want anything to do with him or theories. And I still think the way he left is just off, but hear me out. Music represents everything you love about life, Hales. He was right to encourage you to pursue, even when it threatened your marriage. Even when you went on tour, even when he was angry, he still kept newspaper clippings of your success."

She remembered how she found out in that awful storm Tree Hill endured and they wound up making love in the rain and then all night in his bedroom.

"Wherever he is now, if he's playing ball or not, he would follow you like you're number one fan if he heard you sing. You can _win_ American Idol, Hales. And if he heard you sing on national television, if he just heard the power of your voice again, then maybe, just maybe, he would come out of hiding. And then you'll get your answers. You'll get your closure. But I'm telling you, Haley, if you stop singing, the world will not be a better place. You'd be a fool not to share your talent with the world."

She stayed silent in his arms and he took that as a sign to rock her. She stayed in his arms until midnight, where she crawled out his arms and into her bed while Lucas crashed on the couch. She curled in the side of her bed and thought one word before she drifted off to sleep with a raw throat and puffy eyes.

_Maybe._

**November 9th 2008 – The Northwest**

It rained, as usual. Dante loved the dreariness Seattle offered. He loved the darkness and gloom the depressing city offered. The mood powered his business. The environment allowed him to prey on the sadness gambling addicts and naïve desperate people reveled in. The fact that these people weren't good enough in life made it easy for Dante to manipulate. And it was so much better his office were stationed in a city that was famous for suicide rates. It was less stickiness to deal with when an addict lost everything.

And Nathan Scott? Well, he just entertained the hell out of him.

Speaking of which, Dante waited in the warehouse for his client. It was the monthly visit and he thought back of all the torture he put the young kid through the past three and half years. An evil grin spread across his face as he swung his chair in tiny left-right moves with his hands behind his head and legs propped on top of his bookie charts. Nathan Scott screwed him over on that basketball game but it wasn't a three-and-half grudge worth. No, he was still screwing with him because he loved drama and he loved the anger contempt Nathan glared his way every time he excerised his control over the tortured soul.

Dante knew since he was teenager when he raped that girl without a single remorse that he was a bad guy. He had no compassion and smiled like it was Christmas when someone cried because their life was over. And he took complete glee when Nathan Scott was just one second away from killing him but wouldn't do it because he stripped him as a man. He hoped his family, that bitch and his son, died of heartbreak.

Dante turned his head when the screeching noise echoed throughout the warehouse and his goons yelled he had his monthly visitor. He grinned wide and laughed when his visitor's footsteps echoed on the concrete floor. He chuckled and resumed a sitting position when the footsteps got louder and finally stopped in front of his desk and stuck out his hand.

The man wore a trench coat that was drenched and didn't shake the excess water that dripped onto his hands. He shook Dante's hand and Dante subtly wiped the water on his pants leg before he leaned back in his chair with the same happy smile.

"I'm not gonna ask how your trip was," Dante said.

"You never do," the man responded.

"But I am curious. Why do you come every month when it's the same answer?"

"And how is Nathan?"

"Same as every month. Looks like I killed his family and he wants to kill me for it."

His body tingled at the look of anger etched in his memory and Dante couldn't help but give in the manic obnoxious cackle. The man took off his fedora and shook the water out of his bangs. Same raven hair and blue eyes as Nathan's stared back at him with an evil smirk.

"Good."

"I'm curious, Dan. You said to keep Nathan under contract for four years. It's three-and-a-half. What are you gonna do if he stops playing ball and goes back to that bitch-cunt of his wife?"

"You stripped his soul, didn't you?" Dan asked.

"Had a hell of a time doing it," Dante smiled in a way that should've gave Dan Scott the chills, but Dan gave him the same sinister smile.

"Then that's all that matters. He proved her right; that he was me. He would never go back because he's ashamed. My job is done."

"You're one fucked up person, Dan Scott."

"And you're right along with me."

"That indeed. That indeed."

**End chapter 5. Don't hate me. Review if you like. Song credit: Love the Way You Lie Part 2 - Rhianna ft. Eminem  
**

**CAli**


	7. Chapter 6 The Audition

It Never Seems

**I'm very sorry for the hiatus! I got a job so my schedule has been busy, but the good news is, I am writing every day despite the added responsibility to start my dream. What delayed most of this chapter was the work I did for my novel (about close to 30 pages for one chapter, jeez! I write a lot! Lol) and the simple classic of writer's block. I had a tough time trying to conceptualize this chapter and write in the sense where it didn't fall flat or dragged too much. I hope I accomplished that; I'm not exactly for sure.**

**Also, Haley's part might be boring but I wanted to bring the actual drag-out on what happens in a production stand-point of reality-talent-show TV. Before anyone questions the authenticity of it all, I have a BA in production and although I have no experience in leading auditions, I do know the process. I wanted something different instead of saying **

"**She went to the audition and nailed it." Again, I hope this holds up to Haley's POV of auditioning. Enjoy, read and review if you'd like.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of One Tree Hill or the song, "Love the Way You Lie Part 2" by Rhianna ft. Eminem. They are simply used for my creative outlet I call writing.  
**

**CAli **

Chapter 6 – The Audition

**December 5th, 2008 – The Northeast**

Haley took a deep breath, held it, and then exhaled. It was supposed to be cleansing. The breathing tactic was supposed to be something as a stress-reliever. But the closer the skyscrapers of Pittsburgh came into her view from the car, the more the breathing became shaky instead of controlled. What did Lucas do to her that had her agree to this?

"Mama, you're gonna do great!" Jamie sounded in the back.

Her cheeks tinted pink for just a second when she heard her son and he probably caught her on the verge of freaking out. She had to be strong for her son so the freaking out thing was basically not allowed and Jamie should've never seen it. She turned her head and flashed her son a tight lip smile with an innocent tint to it and politely thanked him.

"Yeah, Hales, you're gonna blow them away," Lucas sounded from the driver's seat.

She turned to him and her smile vanished and her face morphed into annoyed horror. "Lucas, give me that!" She snatched the video camera from Lucas's one hand that wasn't on the driving wheel. "Drive and not video tape! Don't kill us."

"Yeah, Uncle Lokus, drive. You're setting a bad example for me."

Haley laughed along with Lucas as she focused the camera through the windshield. The dreariness of Pittsburgh was still showing but sun was breaking through the barriers of clouds. She hoped that wasn't a metaphor of what her day would be like. She wouldn't say it out loud, but the closer she got to Pittsburgh – and essentially, American Idol – the more she wanted it.

She was tired of her happiness pushing against the barriers of dark only to have glimmers of hope.

**December 5th – 2008 – The South**

Nathan sat in the dark. The second game in how many days travelling the East Coast and here he was on a win in Philadelphia and on the way to Charlotte. He hated it. He hated this side of the Coast, the teams he had to play, and worse of all, being so close to his family and not doing a damn thing about it.

Dante ordered him to play well against Charlotte. Since the last performance and his history with playing against the Bobcats, people were favored that he was going to do horrible. Dante wagered a powerful performance out of nowhere. He had no idea if he had guts.

"Did you hear the news?" A teammate's voice boomed but Nathan had no interest on which it was.

"What are you talking about?" Tony's voice echoed right after.

"Apparently American Idol is adding a new season. They're doing it in the summer."

"Dude. Who cares?"

"I'm just saying. My wife is a huge fan and my niece is auditioning in Pittsburgh. Too bad we leave tonight; I was gonna drag you and your project out to support."

"Man, leave Nathan alone."

The last thing Nathan wanted in the whole entire world was hearing someone else sing. It was too painful for more than enough reasons. He grunted in his dark corner and re-adjusted his position. Tony appeared in the light and Nathan made his eye roll known, even if he couldn't see it.

"Nathan, what are you doing in the dark, man?" Tony asked.

He had no idea how he convinced Dante and his goons that Tony was okay after a sudden interest, but it was done. He saved Tony whether he knew it or not. But it didn't stop Tony from always hanging around. He practically overshadowed Nathan wherever and made sure he was never alone. The added company was somewhat of a comfort but after three and half years by himself, he almost welcomed the solitude after Tony started popping in. But nowadays, he had no idea what he'd prefer.

"Nothing," Nathan mumbled. "Just thinking."

"Well, you can do that on the bus. It's about the leave, come on, man."

"Whatever," Nathan gruffed and got up. He shoulder-checked Tony for being impatient and Tony only grunted.

Nathan never saw him throw his hands up in exasperation.

**December 6th 2008 – The Northeast**

Haley took a cleansing breath. The Fairmont Pittsburgh Hotel and Resort lobby filled with thousands of people standing in long lines to check-in and camera crew setting up all over the place. Every turn Haley's head made, she saw people running around with headsets and practically screaming even though their voices were muted to her. The clear chatter of hopefuls filled her senses.

She took another breath as he eyes wandered and did everything she could to not freak out. She's played shows where the audience was tough critics, dealt with the egomaniac that was Chris Keller that insulted everything she did but claimed it as constructive compliments, and made small towns of America fall in love with her. Big crowds like this shouldn't have been a big deal.

But it was.

"Momma, Momma, look at all the cameras!" Jamie sounded to her right.

Haley looked down and subconsciously squeezed her son's hand tighter before she gave him a warm smile. Maybe because it was such a huge crowd that Jamie could get lost in that gave her the anxiety. She desperately tried to ease her mind that that was the case, but deep down she knew it wasn't that. The fear of failing was oozing in every pore her body had to offer.

Breathing techniques were supposed to work!

A hand slid across the width of her back then stopped on her shoulder and squeezed. She slightly tilted her head up and to the left where she made eye contact with Lucas, who gave a soft smirk and his rough fingers started making small circles of where her shoulder met her arm. In response, she laid her head on his upper arm and tried breathing though her nose. The line they were in moved a step.

Every once in a while Jamie would gasp at the atmosphere around him which calmed her in a way. She was glad her son was witnessing a different world and would distract her from her panic attack but then Jamie would get quiet and her anxiety would sink back in. It was really a vicious cycle.

"Jamie, maybe you should go to the cameras and brag about your mom?" Lucas sounded when her anxiety was about to reach maximum level and promptly had her freak out. He always seemed to know when to calm her down things got too much.

Haley swatted his arm. "Don't give him ideas!" She said.

"Huh?" Jamie said at the same time she chastised her best friend.

She looked down and saw the dazed look in her son's eyes and thanked everything that was holy that Jamie got distracted when Lucas made his comment. She noticed her son was in awe of big crowds. She wondered what that would mean for his future. She hoped he gave up basketball pretty soon or else she would have to deal with another man in life leaving for fame.

_Stop it! He's only three years old. Stop thinking you're repellant._

"Nothing, baby," Haley murmured and Jamie whipped his head away from them and started taking in his surroundings again.

"What?" Lucas said in a low voice. "That kid is so damn cute; he'd get you brownie points across America. Take advantage of the things God gave you, Haley."

"Stop it; I'm not exposing my son just to get on TV. I'm not a fame-whore."

Lucas shrugged. "Your loss. I'd use him in a heartbeat."

**CA**

Two hours standing in line, Haley finally checked in and got her large sticker that gave her a number. An hour later, she was called to audition. It was a miracle Jamie hadn't thrown a fit yet because of the long waiting and limited entertainment. Lucas barely made it to watch Jamie when he went on a food run when she was called.

"Haley James? You're up for the producers," a PA called.

"Good luck, Momma!" Jamie yelled and pulled her neck down for a kiss.

Haley laughed and kissed him one more time and got up. Lucas gave a cheesy smile with two thumbs out and whispered something to Jamie while she walked away.

"Go Momma!" Jamie yelled, which got everyone's attention on her.

Her eyes widened at the PA as an apology and turned around before she quietly laughed and hushed her son. She even gave Lucas her evil eye in an attempt to have him control her son.

"Cute son," the PA said to her.

"Thanks," She murmured.

"You're biggest fan?"

"With the encouragement of his uncle."

The PA genuinely laughed as she led her down the hallway where it was much quiet. Haley felt like she was walking a green mile or something. The PA asked a little bit more about Jamie and where she was from and all that and if she was a single parent. Haley looked at the girl's face and was a little flabbergasted that this twenty-something lady that was about her age had no qualms or hesitance in prying in her life. If anything, the lady was professional about it – she did have that sensitive tone to her – but still. It was like she was trying to find a story with her, and boy was there a story.

She had no idea if she was good enough for it.

"Okay, this is how it's gonna go," The PA said after Haley answered her basic questions. "You're going to sing acapella to three people in this room. Make it twenty to thirty seconds, okay, sweetie. Just be yourself and afterwards, they 'll let me know if they want you forward to the producers, okay?"

She talked fast and Haley could only do was nod. "Okay," she agreed.

The PA gave her a sweet smile, adjusted something to her headset, nodded, and agreed into her microphone. She opened a door into a meeting room and announced Haley before she opened the door fully and gestured with her head that Haley could go in.

Haley took a deep breath, nervously smiled, and entered the room.

**CA**

She sang two acapella versions of the song she practiced for a month. The first three people looked at her throughout her performance with straight faces that automatically translated to her as bored. She almost changed her tone mid-way in some lame attempt to get them to smile but then she heard Lucas's voice in the back of her mind.

_They will love you; you can win American Idol._

She was glad she kept to her instincts because after she was done, the panel broke out into smiles. They asked questions about her background, where she lived, her family, her age, and why did she want to be on American Idol.

"Actually, my son wants me to be on it," She replied with a huge smile.

They all laughed and gave soft smiles like they were in love with her. They thanked her and asked her to wait outside. Haley warmly thanked them and opened the door and gestured to the PA, who patiently waited outside by leaning against the wall. The PA gave her a bright smile and told her she'd be right back with the news.

**CA**

"Was she good?" The PA asked.

"Send her to the producers and call Ryan," one of the judges said. "I think we got another great story in Pittsburgh."

The PA smiled. "She's a great girl and cute son too. Right away, sir."

The PA nodded again and walked out of the room and greeted Haley with a warm smile. "You're on your way to the producers," she said. "Give us fifteen minutes?"

"Of course!" Haley beamed.

The PA gave her a big smile and watched her walked away. Once Haley turned the corner, she fiddled with her pack and spoke into the microphone of her headset. "Ryan, we have a girl with a potential story. She's on her way to producers."

"What's her name?" Ryan Seacrest's voice crackled into her ear.

The PA grinned to herself and pressed the black button again before she spoke with clear confidence. "Haley James. She's got a cute kid with a sad story. And an amazing voice from the sound of it."

"On my way to the producers," Ryan's immediately sounded.

**CA**

Haley emerged into the main room and immediately saw her son, who was running towards her. She bent down while he raced, his tiny feet thumped against the red carpet that held softness but not enough plush if she heard her son's feet thundering against. People turned their heads because of his excited squeal and she couldn't help her biggest grin formed at his excited-ness.

"Momma!" Jamie yelled.

A few seconds later, her son crashed into her chest and she gave an equal squeal when he wrapped his scrawny arms around her neck and tried to squeeze with all his might. She wrapped her arms around his small back, kissed his cheek, and picked him up in a twirl. He giddily laughed as he peppered her face with small smacks and she looked up and noticed the people around her had happy smiles and tilted their heads in awed. She also noticed a few cameras pointed in her direction with people in headsets that stood beside the men with the cameras and pointed with their obvious finger. Subconscious took over as she shyly smiled to the lens.

"Hey," Lucas sounded beside her and she had to do a double-take. "How'd it go?"

"Um," She started.

"Haley James? You're up." The same PA appeared on the other side of her and she had to do another double-take. The PA good-naturally laughed at her.

"Thank you," Haley addressed her then turned to Lucas. "I'm going to producers. Wish me luck!"

"Yay, Momma!" Jamie sounded as he whipped his head back so fast Haley's hand immediately went to his neck to stop any whiplash. She didn't notice the cameras in the room focused on the movement.

"Yes!" Lucas said. "One more step to that ticket. Come on, Jim-Jam. Your momma's gotta blow these people away."

"Good luck, Momma!" Jamie yelled before he gave her one big smack of his lips on hers.

The PA beside her grinned. "Are you sure he's encouraged by his uncle?"

**CA**

"Haley James, tell us about you." One of the producers said.

Haley looked at him and smiled at his appearance. He was an older man, with sandy blond hair and a nice tan that told her he loved the California sun. He was impeccably dressed in that casual way and he spoke with a smooth British accent. She recognized him with another show she's seen commercials before but she couldn't place his name. He was flanked by two other people who seemed more American, attentive, but with scrutinized stares.

She smiled softly and gave her basics. "I'm 22, hail from a small town in North Carolina called Tree Hill and a single mother."

"We've heard about your son bragging in the main room."

She laughed, with her Southern twang coming out. "Well, he's biased." All the judges affectionately grinned at her and laughed.

"Aren't they all?" The judge said. "Okay, what will you be singing for us today?"

"Um, it'll be better if I had a piano but I'll make due. I'll be singing 'Love The Way You Lie' by Rihanna."

"Floor is yours."

She gave a brief smile and remembered that even those people were intimidating, so was touring small crowds and she aced them. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and nailed the first note. When she didn't look at them, when her imagination ran wild, she imagined maybe singing this to a support system like Lucas. If she wanted to be on the show then she really needed to focus her energy on who the song was really meant for. She wanted to save the best for last but she gave it her all to the producers.

When she was done and opened her eyes all three producers stared at her intently. She seemed suddenly nervous at the lack of verbal response and gave a slight nervous chuckle but it came out as her clearing her throat.

The Englishman spoke first. "You've had professional training before, haven't you?"

"Yes, sir," Haley kept eye contact with him. "I did a small tour when I was 17."

"With who?"

"Um, Michelle Branch."

"Well, that explains a lot."

"Um… thank you?"

The woman beside the Englishman laughed. "Who knew the South could be so shy. It's endearing, we love it."

"We do," Haley's eyes darted back to the Englishman. "Your voice. There's something very unique to it where you connect emotionally to the song. I'm wondering, is your son's father in the picture?"

She took a deep breath and ended the movement with a slight bitter laugh. Here came the personal questions that she mentally prepared herself but she wasn't exactly sure if she wanted it aired. Her eyes darted across the room and she realized there were absolutely no cameras whatsoever. It was just her, the three producers, and short man that stayed in the corner with a group of other people that quietly whispered. She knew if she wanted on the show, everything had to be told so she subconsciously straightened up her shoulders and spoke.

"My son's father left me when I was eight months pregnant. We're still married, actually, but he completely disappeared. It was a lot of drama."

She chuckled after she said the last sentence, which in turn got the producers to laugh. "I'm sorry," the Englishman said.

"I am too. I guess it was payback in a way since I left him the first year of our marriage to pursue singing and I went on that tour. I came back, obviously, and we worked through our issues but I guess he still harbored some sort of feeling if he left me for his dream."

"And what was his dream?"

"Basketball. For all I know he's in the pros."

"And this would be a… big throw in his face if you moved on to National television and became this big, great singer?"

"Well, you're pushing it there," she laughed. "But I want to do this show for my son and only for my son."

"How so?"

"Well, he wants to be famous," she quirked her upper lip and gave another boisterous laugh.

The other producer on the far right spoke up and Haley almost forgot he existed. "We're falling more and more in love with charm. Your husband is a fool."

"Thank you," she kindly said. "But since my husband left, I've kinda stopped singing. And my best friend, who happens to be my husband's half-brother, claimed I was most happy when I was singing. And I need to get that light back. He's highly convinced and somehow has convinced me that being on this show will fill that empty void. And I do want to be my best and provide for my son."

The Englishman looked at his two companions and made eye contact with the short man in the corner. Haley stood still in the center of the room and waited with breath trapped inside her mouth. Then the Englishman nodded, napped the end of his pencil and spoke.

"Well, we'd be fools like your husband for not giving you that chance. You're moving on to the main judges."

A few seconds delayed in Haley's mind as she processed the words. "Oh my god, thank you!" She said.

They all laughed at her enthusiasm and the Englishman spoke up. "You have a very unique story and we'd love to share it if you don't mind. Ryan?"

Haley's eyes followed the short man from the corner step forward and walked towards her with his hand out. She warmly shook his hand as he had a nice, firm grip. He introduced himself as Ryan Seacrest.

"I am sure, the judges will love you," he said. "And would you mind if we shared your story?"

"Um," she hesitated. "Not at all."

"Great! We're gonna get the camera crew ready and inform the judges then after your audition, we'll talk more with package, with our producer, Harold," he gestured at the man at the far right side of the table that judged her and waved in response. She nodded her head once and smiled. "Go ahead back to your family and we'll call you back in a few, okay?"

She nodded and before she could say anything, the Englishman yelled something. "And someone get her a piano in the main audition!"

Ryan grinned, gripped her shoulders, and wished her luck.

**CA**

The walk back was surreal. She was one step closer to American Idol and she couldn't believe it. The last minute practices, the disbelief she wasn't going to make it this far, the fear of actually making it on National television and the possible reality that Nathan would come back once people noticed her. For three and half years, she was more than comfortable than living a mediocre life and just provide for her son a teacher's salary. She was more than okay teaching a subject she liked, but wasn't passionate about. She was perfectly fine living below her potential.

And now that she's here? She can actually feel the need, the hungry power that consumed her body with excitement and possessiveness that she belonged here. This is what her life was meant to be, and she was scared shitless. This performance – and the ones after that were miles long – had to be it. She had to perform, no, needed to perform like she wouldn't tomorrow.

Her body was tingling at the prospect.

"How'd it go?" Lucas asked as Jamie squealed when he saw her.

"I'm about to perform to the judges," she whispered.

"Haley James?" A PA came up. "You're up."

"Good luck!" Lucas surged forward and hugged her tight.

She reciprocated the hug and then bent down to her son's level and gave him a wet kiss. She waved goodbye as she mentally stirred her game plan. She needed more emotion to this next performance and she knew the only source of that much pain. She just didn't know if she had enough strength not to break down like she did the first time she sang the song and thought about her husband. The added tears might work in her favor but she still wanted to be strong. The song was about acceptance of an abusive relationship and crying wasn't exactly being strong in accepting.

"That's my momma!" Jamie yelled as she followed the PA into another room

**CA**

"Who's this we got here?" A Black man with a deep voice boomed before she could even stop walking. He had black thick-framed glasses and a stylish vest as he sat on the far side of a booth.

She recognized him as Randy Jackson and beside him was a beautiful olive-toned woman with jet black hair and expressive eyes that showed she was loud. She was one of the newest panels that she heard rumors about and briefly wondered why Paula Abdul was nowhere in sight. And who completed the booth was a very intimidating man that wore a crew cut that she knew to be Simon Cowell. None of them spoke except for Randy and she couldn't keep her eyes off Simon's scowl. He seemed perturbed over the piano that took over most of the center of floor where the auditioner was supposed to perform.

Haley stopped walking and stood beside the piano bench and softly smiled. She wasn't for sure a full-blown smile would work, since she knew her confidence wasn't there at the moment and the wider smile would seem fake. She didn't cross her arms, but her fingers grabbed each other as her arms hanged down as she stood straight.

"My name is Haley James and I'm coming from Tree Hill, North Carolina." She said.

"Haley James," Simon drawled then used his pen to point at the piano. "A lot of trouble for that piano to come in here."

"Well, apparently, I'm worth it," she sounded without really thinking.

The other two occupants busted out laughing hard as he flashed her a smirk as he took the light ribbing from the others. Her smile grew a little and her confidence built as Simon didn't look at all upset at the quick quip.

"She's feisty, huh?" Randy rhetorically asked. "Nigel, our executive producer says your story is a real tear-jerker."

"I wouldn't say my story's sad," she said with a shrug. "It's a lot more common, I think, but a lot of pain was brought to my situation and I'm trying to make something out of it."

"What's your story, hun?" The woman spoke up.

"Um, long story short," she said. "My husband left me when I was eight months pregnant with my son when I was eighteen. He completely disappeared and I suspect he's playing basketball out there somewhere, following his dream. And I pretty much held that void in my heart as something to ignore. My best friend thinks singing, my dream, will fill it. And my son thinks the same thing too, and he's my world so I'm doing this for them and maybe this show will give me the closure I need. If he can follow his dream, why can't I, you know?"

"Then I will allow the piano," Simon piped up after a moment of silence.

The room filled with laughter and she gave the judges a giddy, but nervous smile before she shuffled onto the bench. She stared at the keys for a second, took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The beginning notes of the song played automatically by her slender fingers and she felt her wrists rotated left to right as her fingers beautifully glided across the fifty-two keys. Her memory zoned of images of her husband, throughout the beginning to now. She focused on every feature of his face that made her stomach flutter in nerves that were described as butterflies as a young love-struck teenage. Everything about him, his body, his movements, his mannerisms, zoomed throughout her mind of every loving moment they had from their amazing first ceremony on the rocks that overlooked the beach to every ugly fight they had, including the infamous birth control.

She felt her face scrunch up in pain as the tears formed behind closed eyes as she continued to sing. She heard her voice cracked in the tiniest way as she held back her tears and hoped that the judges before her wouldn't be too critical of it. She continued to sing the first verse.

_On the first page our story_

_The future seemed so bright_

_Then this thing turned out so evil_

_I don't know why I'm still surprised_

_Even angels have their wicked schemes_

_And you take that to new extremes_

_But you'll always be my hero_

_Even though you've lost your mind_

**CA_  
_**

"Lucas?" Ryan said.

Lucas looked up from playing high-five with Jamie when he heard someone called his name. He was a short man with the same dirty-blond hair as him and he had a chick by his side dressed in black and had a headset glued to her head and side. He smiled and nodded his head once at his name at the twosome and gave them an expectant look.

"Forgive me, I'm Ryan Seacrest and I was informed by the producers who you were. You're best friends with Haley James and uncle to this little guy?"

"Hi!" Jamie yelped from his lap.

Everyone laughed at his nephew's excitement and he stuck out his palm for Jamie's little hand to slap as hard as he could. Lucas pretended to wince at the force, grinned at his nephew, and then turned his attention back to his party.

"Uh, yeah," he said. "Did Haley send you over?"

"Actually," the lady spoke. "She just gave permission to highlight her story. Basically, how this works is simply that Ryan here will interview – just a couple questions – and we're gonna station you outside the audition room and await if Ms. James gets a ticket. Afterwards, we're gonna have everyone sign release papers and talk with you and Ms. James more about her story and maybe stage some shots, okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sure."

"We're gonna get some mics for you and the little guy. What's his name?"

Lucas looked at Jamie and with a cleared throat Jamie spoke with a polite tone. "My name is James Lucas Scott, but everyone calls me Jamie."

Again, everyone broke out with smiles and laughs and Lucas laughed at how his nephew just soaked up the attention. A wave of hand distracted his peripheral and he looked up in time to notice the woman's hand stopped waving. His eyes followed the woman's body direction and saw a camera crew coming towards them along with another person dressed all in black that carried two black cases.

"Uncle Lokus, are we gonna be on TV?" Jamie yelled as he noticed the movements also.

Lucas smiled at his nephew then gave off his famous Scott smirk. "We sure are, buddy! Make sure to hype up momma, okay?"

**CA**

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's all right because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's all right because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_Ohh, I love the way you lie_

Images of Nathan flashed throughout her mind as she sang the chorus. She was grateful her husband never expressed his anger through violence, unlike his father when she did witnessed Dan viciously grabbed Nathan's bicep and squeezed when they were sixteen. Many fights between them featured the anger swirled in his royal blue eyes, but the emotion was never menaced. Their fights could get brutal – and the words between them hurt – but they were never violent toward each other. The chorus brought in that emotion – they hurt each other but they still stood by. Until one day, her husband didn't.

She knew her voice conveyed the emotion as her fingers pounded the right keys. She couldn't keep the strain out of her voice after she got through the chorus, but even to her hazed ears, her voice sounded good. She lightly frowned at the discovery; maybe it was her hidden jackpot to get this. Despite her obvious reluctance to try the show, she wanted to be part of it. Maybe – just maybe – her life could get better with song.

_Now there's gravel in our voices_

_Glass is shattered from the fight_

_In this tug of war, you'll always win_

_Even when I'm right_

'_Cause you feed me fables from your hand_

_With violent words and empty threats_

_And it's sick that all these battles_

_Are what keeps me satisfied_

She stopped the song shortly after with a trail of musical notes since she was instructed before she walked in to keep the audition to at least ninety seconds. She kept the notes to the last word that matched the piano's notes and slowly opened her eyes. She licked her lips and stayed glue to the bench because she wanted to stay in that moment. The last image of her mind was her loving husband, who would cradle her, comfort her, and whisper his sorry's in post-coital. Of all the nasty fights and problems they had, he still stayed. That was what probably broke her heart the most.

With a shaky breath, she turned her head and looked at the three people that held the hope she wanted to build.

**End Chapter.**

**I know you all want to hate me for the cliff-hanger and I'm sorry. I wanted to get this out since it's been a long hiatus and I didn't want to drag this out. I'm very sorry again for the lack of updates and I will try my hardest to keep the updates shorter between.**

**Review if you'd like.**

**CAli**


	8. Chapter 7 The Birthday

It Never Seems

**I sincerely apologize to anyone who is still following this story. Truth is, I got busy with manuscripts for Graduate School and I finished in the beginning of December and I just needed a break from writing. I am back now, that's all that matters, right? Lol. Hope you guys enjoy.**

**CAli**

Chapter 7 – The Birthday

**May 12, 2009 – The Northwest**

"You're to win," Dante grinned at him. "Supersonics on the bubble for the playoffs. I got a bunch of pussies thinking you can't do a powerful performance three times in a row against the Bobcats. They bet a lot of money against it, so I want 35. You understand?"

Nathan didn't answer right away, but just deadly stared. He felt dead, every day for four years, especially today. God, especially today since all he saw was his boy's would be scrunched up, red face in his mind.

"I'm talking to you!" Dante's voice boomed.

Nathan slowly raised his eyes and made eye contact with his mob boss. He stayed quiet but his jaw slightly clenched. He made sure to show only that physical emotion but kept his stare just blank. He wasn't going to react to Dante or anyone for today. Today was a day of mourning, and he was, even if he had to do it physically in silence.

He grunted a little and moved his weight to his other leg and leaned the majority of his body on the crunch that was under his left arm. He stared at Dante in silence for a few more seconds then spoke in a controlled voice.

"You know I messed up my ankle because of your demands from the last game," he said and Dante tilted his head in a challenge. "I'm not even cleared yet."

"Well, instead of fucking around with your new friend, Tony, you should've been conditioning your ankles better." Dante lifted his legs off his desk and sat straighter in his chair. "You know I need you tip-top all year-round. It's not my fault you got hurt."

"I never said it was."

"Don't talk back to me, boy!" Dante's eyes blazed as he slammed his palms down. He looked to his right and nodded his head.

A large man came out of the shadows the clouds provided in the dank warehouse and sucker-punched Nathan, catching him perfect on his left jaw. Nathan grunted at the hit and by instinct, put all his weight on his bruised right ankle and cried out because of the sharp pain that shot up because his weight pressured the injury. His ankle twisted when the pressure was too much and he crashed to the concrete, his face contorted in a grimace. He landed hard on his ribs and couldn't breathe. He rolled on his back, lifted his leg his right leg in the air in a tight clench and grabbed his side.

He groaned and closed his eyes and all he saw was how beautiful his boy would look as he cradled him then handed him to his wife, where she named him on the spot.

_Breathe through your mouth_, he told himself.

He heard footsteps like they thundered in his ears then silence. Once the pain subsided, and his boy shimmered out of his mind, he opened his eyes and met Dante's calculating, dark eyes.

"I don't care if you break every bone in your body," Dante seethed in a low, even voice. "Bribe whatever doctor, sweep whatever policy until it disappears, pay whatever fine. You will play tonight. You will score 35 points, not less, not more. Got it?"

Nathan continued to breathe through his mouth and grimaced one more time before he nodded twice.

"Good," Dante said then turned to one of his goons. "Get this worthless gimp out of my sight."

Before he was picked up, Nathan closed his eyes and brought back his memory of his boy. This time, he imagined his boy opening his big blue eyes and smiling his newborn lips. He would smile back and continue to rock his son to sleep while his wife rested, snuggled against his chest. His memory zoomed out when he felt two men grab his arms and roughly pulled him up.

"Happy birthday, son." Nathan mouthed.

**5:30 p.m. Key Arena, Seattle, WA**

"Hey, Keith. Are you down for tonight?" Tony asked.

Nathan stayed quiet as he rested his elbows on his thighs as he sat perfectly still on the hard bench. His head was covered in the dark his cubby provided as he leaned back. His legs were stretched out as the personal trainer kneeled before him and heavily wrapped his right ankle with an ace-bandage. His fingers were tightly clasped in a prayer-like shape and he breathed through his nose.

All day, his mind plagued of what his son would like and what he did for the past four years. He wondered what personality traits he had and if he even liked basketball or if he took his mother's shy, creative essence. Did his son have his eyes and his wife's hair? Did he have his eyebrows and her lips? Was he obnoxiously charming or was he quiet soul that had too much smarts? Today was his son's due date and what was really fucked Nathan up was that he didn't even know if today was special or not.

He didn't know his son's name or what day he was born.

And his soul cried because of that.

So every day, for four years, a week before and after this date, he would quietly ponder what his son would be like and mouth to himself a happy birthday to his son. Every year, he thought maybe he should send a gift, anonymously, to Lucas' house since he knew his brother would never leave his wife's side, but always talked himself out of it. He wouldn't even know where to begin, and honestly, would cause more pain; to him and to his family.

"Keith?" Tony asked.

Nathan blinked his eyes several times to stop the tears and to bring himself back to reality. He gave an annoyed grunt and leaned forward to glare at his annoying shadow.

"What?" He said his voice voided of any emotion.

Tony was used to his clipped tones and short length and continued without incidence. "I asked if you were down tonight."

He gave his teammate a frown that screamed attitude. "What's tonight?"

"Carl's celebration? His birthday is today and he's also holding a screening party for his niece. Apparently she's on American Idol and her audition episode airs tomorrow."

Nathan shook his head and stared at the trainer until he patted his leg, got up and left. He nodded his thanks and moved to put on his shoes, effectively ignoring Tony. He knew it was a lame attempt to stop any conversation with his teammate because he was just as annoying as an attached puppy that followed everywhere, but he still tried. Everyone got tired of him, right?

Tony shrugged his shoulders and stayed rooted his spot. "Why not?" He asked.

"I don't celebrate birthdays."

"But you watch TV. Come on, it'd be fun, teasing Carl that he really does love that show, niece or not."

"I'm not watching."

"You know I'm just gonna keep asking."

"Leave me the hell alone, Tony."

Nathan grunted as he got up and slightly grimaced at the pain the pressure gave him when he put his full weight on his ankle. At that moment, the coaching staff came out of the conference room and entered the locker room to rally the players for pre-warm ups. His coach yelled at everyone their time limit and he was relieved at the welcomed end to his conversation.

He slightly limped towards the entrance and never paused as he grabbed a basketball from the rack and subconsciously led the way for his teammates. He was in the tunnel when his coach brushed his hand against his upper arm and gave him an expected look.

"What did the doctor say about your ankle?" His coach asked.

He smirked and popped his chin up once. "I'm good to go, coach."

His coach grinned wide. "Atta boy. Just give me the note when we come back from warm-ups."

**May 12, 2009 – The South**

"Momma! Is it tomorrow yet?" Jamie practically screamed in her ear.

Haley barely contained her gritted teeth and was about to yell at her son when she made eye contact with Lucas. He gave her a pointed look with his eyes as he raised his coffee cup to hide his smirk. She held her breath, glared at her best friend, and exhaled while rolling her eyes shut.

_Patience_, she told herself.

"No, Jamie. Not for another 12 hours." She said with her best fake, calm voice.

"How long is 12 hours?"

"You'll be asleep by then."

"But that doesn't answer my question."

Haley bit her bottom lip and her facial expression dead-panned to a "really?" look. She really tried not to be annoyed with her son but it seemed like Jamie snuck in a double-shot expresso in his chocolate milk this morning. The boy was all over the place; never spending more than 20 minutes on an activity and bounced between the TV and her, yelling in her ear asking how long until tomorrow. When her son was impatient, he was impatient.

She understood it was double-excitement for him. Tomorrow was his birthday and it was also when her episode would air her audition. Jamie of course wanted to celebrate both but on top of a birthday party and keeping him in front of the TV with enough attention span with all the sugar (_oh God, all the sugar_,) she had to pack for herself and Jamie for an early flight to Los Angeles. She felt it in her veins that her son wouldn't want to sleep tomorrow night and it was his first time on an airplane which meant nine times out of ten, he would be restless and uncomfortable once the air pressure got to his ears.

And don't even get her started on the time-difference.

Understatement: Haley was dreading the next 48 hours.

She had to adjust her son with their new home that wasn't even a guarantee for three months and compete in a singing competition on national television. She confessed her concerns and described the tight feeling in her chest every time she thought about the future to Lucas and all he had to offer was to take it one day at a time. It was good advice, but she was slowly becoming hysterical. So anything her best friend had to say was just worthless to her mind at the moment, which heightened her irritation.

And her son's excitement, unfortunately, was not helping. Thank God, Lucas found all this amusing and took her snaps as a barely-there bounce to his chest and swooped in when Jamie decided to tug on her sleeve because she didn't answer fast enough.

Lucas guffawed inside his coffee cup which distracted Jamie for just a second. She glared at his blue eyes that danced in laughter and he set his cup down. His smile was full-blown as he rested both hands on the kitchen island.

"Hey Jim-Jam!" Lucas called. "What do you say I take you on a pre-birthday present?"

"What do you mean, Uncle Lokus?" Jamie asked.

"I mean…" Lucas grinned as Jamie abandoned bothering her and ran around the island to tug on his pant leg. Jamie craned his neck up and jumped up and down when Lucas just smiled at him.

"Uncle Lokus! What do you meaaan?"

Lucas bent down at his level and mocked glared as he stared in the identical blue-green eyes. "I mean go-kart racing!"

He picked him up in a sudden swoop, swung him and held him snug on his side. Jamie's affectionate laugh filled the room and Haley had to smile a little bit at the pure glee on her son's face. Jamie's head whipped back and forth once he heard what he got and squealed while repeating the same question.

"I have a go-kart?!" Jamie practically yelled.

"Lucas!" Haley said once the word caught up in her mind and promptly brought her out of her stupor.

"Hales, have some faith," Lucas said once he saw the panic in her eyes. "I didn't buy him a go-kart. I know he's too young."

"Aw!" Jamie's bottom lip pouted.

"I got him the next best thing, a box car that I built last night!"

"Really?!" Jamie's grin re-appeared like his emotions were bi-polar.

"Yessir! It's outside in the backyard if you wanna see it. And we can take it to the biggest hill and drive it down!"

"Smallest hill," Haley sternly corrected.

"That's no fun," Lucas scoffed.

"Middle hill, momma?" Jamie asked in pouty voice that she swore he knew was everyone's weakness. "Please?"

"Great compromise," Lucas said as he shrugged and rocked Jamie a little bit. "Please, momma?"

Haley grimaced. "Don't call me, momma," she said to Lucas but then sighed. "Fine, but be careful! I mean it, Lucas, don't break my son."

"I won't!"

"He won't, momma!" Jamie chirped up. "I'll be extra careful, momma. I'll even wear a mouth guard!"

She and Lucas laughed and Lucas set down Jamie and instructed him to get his helmet, elbow and knee pads from his room. Jamie took off racing and he walked around the counter to give her a hug. She reciprocated the hug and sighed big.

"Take a nap," Lucas said. "I got him and you need to get rid of those nerves. We're gonna be in Los Angeles safely, I'm gonna take care of Jamie while you make America fall in love with you."

**End of Chapter 7.**

**I personally think the ending is a little weak so I really need to go deep with this story. Hope you guys liked the light-ness with Haley and hope somewhere you found the foreshadowing ;). Shit will get real next time around, I promise.**

**Review if you'd like.**

**CAli**


	9. Chapter 8 The Reveal

It Never Seems

**Are you guys getting tired of my sincerest apologies for the long wait? Lol. I hope not, because I am sorry that my time-management could do a little better but I'm working around with everything I have. This one is long, and I hope it makes up for the wait.**

**CAli**

Ch. 8 – The Reveal

**May 13, 2009 – The Northwest**

Nathan tiredly sighed as he slightly grimaced when he pulled himself up. His ankle throbbed and he didn't even want to look how swollen it might have been. He almost over exerted himself in last night's game and barely got the 35-point requirement that loomed over him. Now he finally had some rest, but his mind reeled.

Today could be his boy's birthday and there was nothing he could do about it.

He sighed again as he gingerly put pressure on his right foot. He hissed between his teeth but made sure it was low in case someone came by the team's locker room. He quickly shifted his weight to his left side as he lifted his right and kept his balance as he gripped the wooden slate near his cubby. He rested his forehead over his folded hands and deeply breathed through his nose. His eyes closed as he imagined what his son looked like now once again then started to even his breathing. Slowly and tenderly, he put his right foot down again and eased weight onto his right side until it was even.

He happily sighed as the pain was dull now and he moved a pace at a time towards the exit. He was relieved that practice today was just weight training so he spent the last two hours laying down or sitting as he pumped his arms at an alarming rate. Several times Tony asked him to slow down as he looked on in concern but he ignored him as the sweat poured and wouldn't stop until the salty perspiration practically blinded his eyesight. He purposely let the team leave before him as he hobbled into the locker room and soaked his tight muscles in a bathtub of ice. He literally felt his whole body sting then sigh as the coldness targeted the tight muscles that threatened to be torn if he pushed himself _just_ a little bit harder.

He stayed until his fingers started to prune and goosebumps magically appeared along both sides of his forearms. He grunted as he felt his ankle still tender but breathed through the pain as he dressed himself and wallowed his agony over his son's would-be birthday. After an hour, he was fully dressed and the pain was manageable as he wobbled down the hall to his car.

"Hey, Keith!"

He immediately stopped and straightened his back within a second interval and greatly sighed as he rolled his eyes. He cracked his jaw as he looked over his shoulder and glared at Tony who called him. He was in the conference room with the other teammates, right in the middle of the half-circle that crowded the pull-down screen meant for the projector.

"Come join us, Carl's niece is going to show any minute. And this kid is pretty damn cute," Tony waved his hand for him to come over and he had a gentle grin plastered as an invite.

"No," Nathan grunted. "I told you, I don't want to."

"Come on, the team's here. It wouldn't be complete without you."

Nathan gave him a stern look and shook his head once again. He turned his head again and briefly closed his eyes as he took several breaths to school his gait that his walking was normal. Last thing he needed was Tony noticing his fucked-up ankle and reporting it to the trainer or even worse, a doctor. He was sure if he didn't get an ace bandage and elevation on his foot soon, his ankle would be broken. He was about to take a step forward when he heard, indistant, a little boy's giggle. He hesitated, turned his head over his shoulder again and tried to look over the sea of Black heads that crowded his eyesight. All he saw, though, was the back of sandy blond hair on a little boy as he ran off. He frowned but shook his head as to get rid of the tiny feeling that just dropped in his stomach and moved forward.

He prayed he wasn't limping but for the rest of the day that giggle stuck and even haunted his dreams that night.

**May 13, 2009 – The South**

"Best birthday ever!" Jamie practically screamed in Haley's ear and this time she didn't mind it.

It was long day tomorrow and she was exhausted but that big ol' grin that seemed permanently stitched onto her son's face made her forget everything about herself and focused on her son. When it came down to it, Jamie was her world; she would do anything any mother would do that was in love with their children. She smothered Jamie with kisses as she tucked him in then pulled back with a gentle, closed-lip smile that practically screamed her love. She smoothed back his sandy blond hair –that was starting to get darker in the roots – several times with gentle caresses that ended up cupping his jaw. Her heart was thumping with pride as she stared into the blue-green eyes that were exactly identical to her husband's.

As much as it pained her to be reminded how similar he looked like his father, Haley couldn't be damned as she freely stared. At times, she felt guilty for being frustrated and annoyed with her energetic son because of the hatred and anger she felt towards Nathan for leaving and having to look at those identical eyes. They were a reminder of her failed relationship and sometimes she took it out on Jamie when things got too tough. Then the cycle repeated as she felt like a horrible mother for somewhat resenting her child just because his eyes reminded her of her husband and how he left her as a single parent with a child that was too smart for his own good. She would kick herself and mourn as Jamie acted like her outbursts didn't faze him and he showered her with love (his favorite was to wrap his arms around her neck and peck her several times on the mouth.) She'd wallowed and cried more times than not to Lucas about her shame and he constantly reminded her that it was normal; single mothers went through the same ups and downs of parenthood and was quick to remind her that she if something were to happen to Jamie she'd drop everything in less than second to love, protect, and nurture her son.

"_You're a great mother, Hales," he always said. "No one said parenthood was going to be easy and you're kicking its ass."_

"Momma," Jamie said as he brought her out of her memories. "Can I have a Twitter account?"

Haley gave him a weird look and laughed outright. "What?" She asked. "What is that?"

"Uncle Lokus says it's a social media thingy. Basically, I get to talk to people all around the world."

"And why do you want that?" She gave him an amused look.

He still had his toothy grin plastered throughout the day but it seemed to get wider when she asked him. He gave her the infamous "momma, it's okay, I know I'm smarter than you" look and even patted the back of her hand that was on his cheek.

"Because," he elongated the word. "I get to tell people to vote for you on American Idol. Uncle Lokus says it could help get the word spread how great you are. You're the World's Best Momma! That will be my first tweet."

She closed her eyes as she chuckled and there it was again. The same flutter that quickly expanded in her ribcage that she could only describe as love and pride. She felt it when he was born as Lucas presented him to her, every time he did something super smart for his age, every birthday and Christmas, and every time he made her feel better with just looking at her with his sparkling eyes and lovable kisses. Her emotions were getting the best of her as she felt spontaneous tears building inside her eyes. She swallowed and opened her warm brown eyes and stared deep into his blue ones. She gave him a watery smile as she flashed the top row of her teeth as she leaned in again kissed everywhere her lips could touch on his face. He giggled and reveled in the love as he wrapped his small hands over the back of her neck.

"You," she kissed him one more time before she pulled back. "are the world's best son. I want you to know, baby, that if this singing thing doesn't work out, I'm going to do whatever I have to, to give you a best life. You are my world, James Lucas Scott."

"I know, Momma. But this singing thing is going to work out. I can keep you all to myself on other things but not singing. You make all the bad things go away when you sing to me. You need to make all the bad things go away for other people too. You rocked tonight on TV."

She couldn't stop the tears now. "I love you, son."

"I love you too, Momma," he yawned. "Can I have that Twitter account?"

She laughed full out. "No, son, you're too young. Maybe in ten years but now it seems you're pooped and we got a long day tomorrow. First time on an airplane! Are you excited?"

"Uh-huh!" He responded with enthusiasm but he yawned shortly after.

"Okay, birthday boy," she said as she kissed his forehead and stroked his cheek again. "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow. I love you."

His eyes closed and he murmured, "Love you too, momma. Sweet dreams."

She stayed kneeled at his bed with a soft smile etched on her lips. She stayed until the pressure on her chest eased just a little but she still felt her pride swell. As much as she told herself not to get too into the singing competition, she couldn't stop that _need_ to do this. Music was slowly inching back into her life and heart but her main focus was to do it for her son. That was enough and she hoped she had what it took to win this thing.

**May 27, 2009 – The Northwest**

Dante had that grin on his face that was always trouble. It was his signature mark that simply said he was willing to do anything beyond legal and moral to get what he wanted. He knew this was the business for him since the time he learned how to grin like that, at the tender age of two when he smashed a toy into another toddler's face because he wanted to play with it too. The best was that he got away with it because of that innocent (yet if closely looked at had large traces of evilness) look. He leaned his chair as possible back as he stretched his legs on top of his desk with his hands clasped behind his head and his dark eyes danced as he followed Nathan's fluid movements on the television screen that was perched on the high corner of his makeshift office.

The guy was a true talent when it came to basketball and if he had a heart, he'd felt bad for blackmailing the guy. He was great, despite his threats to be better, but he always noticed the hollow, dead look in his eyes that once in a while sparked that emotion to kill him. He often compared Nathan to a dog that was that close to turning on his faithfulness; a dog beaten too many times and was one beating away from not giving a fuck and letting their instincts taking over. He should fear the common metaphor of never making a habit of beating a dog but he didn't. Fear wasn't anything comprehensible to him, not even when he crashed that car and thought for a split second that his life was over. The thing about Nathan and him being a dog that would never turn on him was that he was coward and they both knew it.

Dante knew what buttons to push and how to keep him focused as an "employee" to him because of one man. When Dan Scott appeared to him a couple weeks after his accident, he had no idea who he was or what he indebted to him. It was Dan who pulled him out of that car when he blacked out once the front of his car compacted against the wall and the last thought was that he died because of some teenage punk-ass that decided he was going to be a noble man for his _wife and child_. Like, seriously, who the hell wanted to be married at 16? When he woke up and Dan loomed over him and informed him that he saved him, he got straight to the point, which he respected in any business man. Maybe he was emotional, but he seethed that he was out of commission for weeks because of some White, Southern piece of shit that sacrificed a worthy game that had the net worth of $100,000 because it was wrong. His business suffered, he had concussion, several broken ribs, three breaks in his right leg and a shattered left forearm. So when Dan Scott, his own fucking father, made an offer he took it without an inner deliberation. Forget Dan's eerie voice made it sound like it was debt owed, he was going to make that pussy, little bitch realize just how much it was a mistake to screw him over.

Four years later, he still enjoyed making Nathan's life as puny as he saw him. He had no idea why Dan wanted a four-year sentence but as far as he was concerned, he already held his end of the bargain so after the period was up, he was still going to use the hollow Nathan Scott. His hunger of revenge never really eased up since he first met him and he couldn't help the appetite that suddenly emerged with every fiber of his being every time he looked at Nathan. He wasn't the type of man that easily forgave and he never forgot. He would hold a vendetta until someone murdered his cold heart. His evil grin widened as Nathan caught an alley-hoop and dunked it one-handed on the TV.

Footsteps echoed on the concrete and squeaked just a little because of the drizzle outside. The warehouse was dank as always and had a cloud of weariness that outcasted the general area. There were streams of sunlight but never fully penetrated because of the gray clouds that loomed the endless droplets of rain. He reveled in the mood the weather provided because it was perfect for his personality and line of work. The depression the weather could influence actually made him happy, and at times he felt he could feed off it. A simple deep breath and he was energized and inspired to make Nathan's life have no meaning. He loved the power that he could suck the soul out of his indentured slave and he almost wished that he would fight back. Almost.

Dante purposely ignored his visitor until commercial break. There was a certain mutual respect between himself and the man that patiently waited because of their common denominator. He could treat Dan Scott however he wanted because he enjoyed stripping his son's meaning of life and Dan seemed like he gleefully loved it too. There were many things he and Dan had in common, one being the morally-challenged treatments of other human beings, and if he thought about it really, if the man before him enjoyed inflicting pain on his own blood, what was he capable of if it was a stranger? He suspected that if they wrote ideas down on separate papers, they would mirror in tactics and scored several creative points in planning and execution. He knew Nathan's father was just like him, so he had no qualms of acting like a menacing boss, because if the situation was reversed, he knew the man waiting would do the same as he was now.

Once the commercial sounded, he barely tilted his head and regarded Dan with the same happy, psychotic grin. He made a show of stretching his arms before placing his left elbow onto the desk and rested his chin on the inside of his palm.

"Your boy is amazing when he's miserable," he said as a greeting.

"Indeed he is," Dan responded with a once nod.

"Imagine if he was happy with his wife and kid."

"Why did you call me here? I don't have time for your foolishness."

"My foolishness? You know, I consider you an evil genius like myself, but you do know your son's contract is almost up. What makes you think Nathan won't be crawling back like his pathetic self and beg his wife to take him back?"

"I would hope you'd done your job and strip his soul to the point where he was ashamed."

"If I didn't see gold in his talent, I would pull the trigger myself to help his suicide. My work is beyond genius with what I did to your son. You should see him," he laughed manically. "Always moping with a permanent scowl on his face and I can see it how much he wants to kill me but he can't even lift a finger. The emptiness in his eyes is beautiful to me. He's hollow, beyond a disgrace."

"Then why am I here? It seems that you're wasting my time, and I have places to be."

"Like Las Vegas?"

Dan frowned in just the slightest but he still stared at him. If possible, his lips pulled farther apart to the point laugh lines formed around his eyes. He was giddy in evil.

"I wouldn't be concerned with it," he said as he shrugged. "I called you here just to let you know that I respect you. And because of that I am extending just the little courtesy to let you know I held my end and never double-crossed you. I paid you back for the hospital bills and physical therapy, thanks to the bets Nathan made for me. When our agreement is over…"

Dan still kept the emotion-less stare but he narrowed his gaze at the slight clinch in his jaw. He had no idea why he felt elation for his big reveal or the fact he got the one-up on a man that could very much be his equal but he was smart enough to know that Dan Scott should be treated with suspicion and held at arm's length to keep him close. There wasn't wrong with healthy competition, anyway. What they were competing for, he had no idea yet.

"I'm not done with Nathan," he said with measure and glee.

Dan kept his posture and they stared for a while until a cocky smirk appeared and Dante briefly wondered if that's what he looked like, only whiter. He recognized the coldness in the smirk that practically had a calculated mask over it and he felt a shot of adrenaline course through his veins. He felt like he was gearing up for a match-up of some sort and he wasn't nervous or anxious, or the slightest bit worried. Instead, he felt everything that was synonym to happy bundled into one and he couldn't help but lick his lips as acceptance.

Dan walked away without another word and he bit his bottom lip as he watched the shadow figure disappear with the darkness. His dark eyes danced with excitement.

"I love my life," he exhaled and flicked his eyes back to the TV when another roar of applause filled the room.

He sighed proud when Nathan got a steal and made a fast-break lay-up. His faithful employee was on-point; he told him to get 40 as momentum in the Supersonics clinch into the playoffs. He wanted people to start making bets on his boy only for them to lose their money. It was classic, it was dirty, but most of all it was extraordinary money and he was a business man, after all.

**May 28, 2009 – The Northwest**

It was an exhausting game and Nathan barely had the energy or the will to get out of bed. Like clockwork, he glanced at the end table that kept his gun snug inside. He contemplated using it on himself but once again, that same niggling feeling stopped him from ending it all. He had another dream about that boy's giggle and it was an added stamp on what stopped him from killing himself. He couldn't explain it; that indistant giggle bothered him and nagged something dormant in the back of his mind. He wasn't annoyed with the sound, if anything he found himself stopping quite frequently with a deep frown on his face every time he walked by a TV or surrounded by young Supersonic fans. Tony wasn't helping either, with him always nose-deep in a tablet grinning and chuckling like he was watching a cute dog on a viral video that had him in awe. His teammates seemed invested in their little media devices also as they had huge grins on their faces.

He heard a couple weeks ago, Carl's niece nailed her American Idol audition so he assumed that's what made his teammates act so strange. He shook his head several times on so many occasions at how increasing stalker-ish they were becoming because of some 17-year-old girl and a stupid singing competition. When Tony tried to get him to watch, a flash of his wife singing so beautifully that night when it was just them in Karen's Café and he asked her to sing to make him feel better. He remembered the scene so vividly that all he had to do was reach out and he would gasp at how soft her skin felt against his finger tips and how captivated he was when she belt out the notes with grace and passion. That skip in his heartbeat as he watched his girl made something so tragic sound so heaven made him know at that moment he found his soul mate and the love of his life. It was that night as his breath hitched as he lightly pushed brown strands behind her ear as she played the piano that he was going to marry her.

Tears brimmed the edge of his eyes and pulled himself out of the memory when Tony asked him again to join the watch party hours before it happened. He shook his head rougher than necessary and whipped his head back as he scowled at his teammate. He would never watch the stupid show because _no one_ could sing as good as his wife. Call it some sick devotion, but he would never betray Haley in that sense because no show was worthy of his demographic rating if he wasn't watching his love singing. So he again, he absolutely refused and cussed at Tony before stalking off to the weight room for the training. When Tony tried again after the informal practice and he turned away, determined in his vow, he heard that boyish giggle.

For weeks, the giggle haunted his dreams and subconscious and he realized some part of him was desperately holding on to it but he had no idea why. Every time Tony was devoted to his tablet, he heard it. He was intrigued but was too afraid his shadow would feast onto the curiosity as something more and it was just safer if he kept his teammate at a distance because of Dante. He resisted the urge to ask anything about what had Tony so happy go-lucky and why he kept hearing that boy's giggle every time he was near his teammates and their gadgets.

He briefly wondered if this was what insanity felt like when working for Dante for so long. Did he really latch onto something so trivial and frivolous that if a stranger analyzed his behavior, he could very well be labeled a child molester for being so focused on just a little boy's giggle? Why was he holding on to it so tight these past couple of weeks and why did he have a feeling every turn he made, that boy was nearby because there was something so beautiful and daunting in that giggle that made every part of his body pause in some sort of anticipation. Why was he so obsessed with that giggle?

Nathan sighed as he closed his eyes and cupped his hands over his face. He sat up in his king size bed and stayed completely still and wondered if he had the strength to put himself out of his misery. Again, that giggle appeared in the forefront of his conscious and that will to end it all was gone. Usually, a passing thought of his wife would do the trick to show just how much of a coward he was and he would begrudgedly get up and start another pathetic day. The last couple of weeks however were different because of that giggle he heard weeks ago. He wanted to know what he meant, but he was afraid he was really driven to insanity by his psychotic boss.

He slowly moved because of the over-exertion of last night's game and his muscles screamed in protest. He grunted and ignored the pain as he got up to take a shower and dress in a business suit. He gingerly left his house, only looking in the mirror once and noted the dead look in his eyes but transformed his signature Scott smirk and the mask was firmly in place. He drove to the Key Arena where the team meeting was to be held and sat perfectly still as his coach droned on for preparation of the playoffs; their next opponents were the Phoenix Suns and he mentally made notes on what he had to do and report the coaches' strategies to Dante before the team left late the next day.

Once again, as the meeting was dismissed, he turned the corner, the very same corner that started it all and stopped in the same spot. He heard that boy's giggle again and it sounded so clear very close to him that he whipped his head back and half expected some little lost boy looking up in awe at him. Instead, all he saw his teammates hanging back, laughing in a small circle as they socialized several hundred feet behind him. He expected to feel longing as he stared but he realized he had no emotion whatsoever. He licked his lips and started to walk away; he pulled out his cell phone, called Dante and his breath hitched several times as he walked to his car and got in. That little boy's giggle was dull and faint that was when he felt the emotion of longing and he did his best to ignore it as Dante's calculating voice boomed in his ear.

Later that night, Nathan frowned when he heard knocking on his door. He checked the time it was nearing 8:00 p.m. The four years he worked for Dante, he feared a late night visit would happen and packed another gun in his living room just in case. Something in his chest tightened that maybe tonight was the night Dante showed up unannounced and he bitterly thought how prepared he was for something to go so bad. What was the saying? There's a first time for everything and he never lived with a moment's peace.

Slowly, he took deliberate steps toward his front door, his keys gripped inside his pocket in case it was blitz attack and his breathing picked up just a little bit. He checked the eyehole but all he saw was a Black figure and adrenaline started to pump. He couldn't tell because of the blur the glass ball provided but it showed the guy's neck and chin which had the same complexion as Dante and Nathan silently calculated the height, which of course was the same as his boss. He mentally raced throughout his mind what he did to warrant a late night visit when their meeting hours before was perfectly clear: Nathan was to do dismal since bets cleared across the board that he was going to do a monster performance against the Suns.

After a deep breath, Nathan yanked his door open and allowed a sigh of relief but immediately narrowed his eyes at his visitor. Tony never stooped to visiting him at his home and he had a paranoid suspicion that his house was being watched by Dante's goons. If he was extreme, he would think his phone was bugged and small cameras followed every millimeter movement from him.

His jaw clenched and unceremoniously gripped Tony's shirt before his smile fully formed on his lips and pulled him inside. As quick as lightening, he swung his door shut with a loud bang and practically pounced on the door, fastening the three deadbolts. He blinked his eyes shut for a brief moment and tried to take a calming breath on how to handle his teammate. He hoped to God Dante's goons wouldn't see this as a big deal since they were supposed to be leaving tomorrow at 5 a.m. and that he called his teammate over as a carpool. He stayed glue to his door with bated breath and hoped another knock wouldn't come to confront him. When it was painfully obvious that he looked like a schizophrenic, he slowly peeled himself away and glared at Tony.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He said as he cracked his jaw and tensed his shoulders.

"Thought you needed company tonight," Tony simply offered.

"I don't. Leave."

"No way, man."

"Tony, I mean it, leave. I don't want you here."

"There's a suspicious looking car outside your place," Tony squared his shoulders and nodded to his windows.

Nathan's eyes widened as he stormed past Tony and guilliby looked outside himself. His blue eyes peered behind a slit of shades and sure enough he recognized the dark, classic modern sedan right across his penthouse with tinted windows. He knew the goons were inside and he went through every scenario possible and if Tony left, the outcome wouldn't be good. He closed his eyes in defeat as he muttered his displeasure.

"Shit," he said.

"You know that was a gamble," Tony said from the same spot and he turned to look at him. "That car could've been simply part of the complex across the street and I had no proof people were inside watching you. But you confirmed it. Whatever you're knee-deep in, I'm not leaving you to deal with it."

Nathan realized his mistake and tensed his shoulders. He didn't give any more physical evidence to his mistake, but simply stood full height and glared with as much hatred he could produce in his eyes as possible. He stood to his full height and subconsciously gripped his hands in a fist. Would he attack his teammate that he knew was just trying to help? Would self-preservation kick in or would he try and fool himself that he was saving Tony from Dante after he beat his face in? For a moment, he lost control and there was this haze state that clouded his mind and he couldn't really see anything. And he certainly wouldn't be accounted for his actions.

But for that moment, he lost control, he gained it back as his vision cleared and he realized he was rolling his eyes for several seconds. He slumped his shoulders in a resigned hump and flexed his fingers. He knew his eyes had the signature hollow look.

"You don't know shit," he mumbled darkly.

"I know you need someone to tell you that it's okay, Keith. I'm not giving up and I'm going to be that friend for you."

"Just stay, okay," Nathan dismissed him by turning his body towards the kitchen. "I don't care what you do, just don't talk to me. Annoying little fly."

He missed Tony's grin but he knew it was plastered on his face. He stalked to his kitchen and on auto-pilot, roughly grabbed the neck of a beer bottle, popped the cap open and chugged until his throat burned. He faintly heard his TV turned on in the living room but stayed rooted until he finished his beer. After he settled the carbohydrates in his stomach that threatened a huge belch, he gripped his counter and stretched his back as he thought of his predicament. He never wanted Tony around and if Dante's goons were a little bit more conspicuous, Tony wouldn't have noticed and he'd be fine in his lonesome. Dante already knew of his teammate's sudden invested interest but decided at that point not to do something as of yet. He made it known, however, with that eerie voice and sadistic grin that made the hairs on the back of Nathan's neck stand that he would strike when warranted and least expected. As much as he hated his life and did the most unforgivable thing to his wife and child, he'd probably go in the deep end if he got his nosy, innocent teammate killed. Tony had a wife, a child, and another on the way; if he destroyed another family, he might just finally have the guts to pull that trigger while the barrel was inside his mouth.

He grabbed another beer and this time sputtered at the end when he never took a break to breathe. He stayed in the kitchen for almost an hour, gulping any beer he had and glaring at the marble table top. Once he started to feel restless, he decided to leave the kitchen and go straight to his room while he stirred in the dark, aimlessly swimming in his misery. He was in the hallway when once again he heard that little boy's giggle. Something sparked inside him and he practically ran to the source, which was in the living room. Loud and booming, and crispy clear was that same giggle on the TV and Nathan felt his breathing become irregular. He slowly and blindly made his way to the couch that was front and center of his flat screen and his mouth went dry as he practically fell over onto the couch.

Tony definitely noticed his behavior and cranked an eyebrow up in a raise and Nathan knew he was concerning him but he couldn't be damned to look at him with an explanation ready the moment his lips formed words. He ignored Tony as his eyes fixated on the show before him and his breathing picked up to almost an hysterical rate. The little boy's giggle had a face and he knew, deep down in his soul, he never met this boy but he knew who he was. The boyish round face, the sandy blond hair that was spiked directly parallel to his light golden brown forehead and bluish-green eyes that sparkled in that pure, child glee. He swore he stopped breathing and tears filled in his eyes in anticipation.

"Keith, are you okay?" Tony asked.

"What show is this?" He said in all one, rushed breath.

Tony answered but it was all garbled nonsense as his ears fuzzed but was completely clear when the boy giggled again and threw his hands up, his right hand in that perfect, cocky stance he developed at the same age and coined his signature move when he was just an arrogant prick before he met his wife. The little boy's chubby fingers curved the same way his did and he knew. He choked on his swallow and tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks like it was race. He buried his head in his arms as his upper body collapsed onto his lap and he sobbed.

"That's my son," he said, muffled.

"What?" Tony frowned at him in concern.

He lifted his head and looked back up just in time for another close-up of his son cheering his head off at someone before him. Strong, masculine hands covered the little boy's and the camera panned up to Lucas with the biggest smile he ever saw as he cheered also, he hollers deafening on his surround sound. The camera pulled back to a shot of them together dancing in their same spot and Nathan saw the happiness in both of them. He cried harder and his sobs became stronger.

"That's my son," he said as he started rocking back and forth. "That's my boy."

"What?" Tony asked. "What are you talking about?"

Nathan couldn't speak even if he wanted to. The sobs racked every breath he took. There was no proof, but he knew that little boy was his son. He had his mother's head shape but the toothy grin and unmistakable eyes were the exact replica of him when he was that boy's age. Joy filled him that he finally got to see his son but it was soon replaced with sorrow when the circumstances tumbled like rocks going downhill. How pitiful was it that he saw his son after four years by pure serendipity chance by watching a television show?

He wasn't thinking straight the past five minutes or so as he rocked back and forth, his eyes probably puffy from the copious amount of tears. He kept his head cradled in his arms because he was aware of Tony's presence and the ever growing concern judging by the comforting hand that gripped his shoulder. He cried four years' worth of tears and hoped maybe he could die of hyperventilation because this _pain_? This pain, he probably couldn't handle, especially when common sense started to penetrate his hazy brain that if he saw his son on TV cheering with Lucas by his side, where was his mother, his wife? He could barely handle seeing one of them on TV after four years apart, but the two of them together? He couldn't stomach the thought even though he had to know.

His sobs turned into hiccups and he didn't want to ask, but he had to push through. He desperately zoomed inside his mind to unlock memories of Haley before he screwed up and where he felt pure happiness. He pretended he was back to sophomore year, where he first started dating Haley and he took drugs to up his performance because of his father and grandfather's pressure. He imagined he back in her bedroom where he confessed everything; his fears, his goals, what he wanted here and now and hoped to God she would be by his side, supporting him because he felt this intense need to have her in his life. He squinted behind his eyelids as he subconsciously moved his jaw to the right and he swore he felt Haley's ghost fingers caressing his cheek in comfort, whispering that everything was going to be okay, and she'd be there, no matter what.

The memory worked in calming him down and he got the tremors that raked his upper body to subsidize to light spasms. He restricted his eyelids tighter to hold to the memory and wished maybe he would go crazy enough where living in his memories was enough to be content. But he knew he had to face what was practically screaming in the forefront of his mind and with one last desperate, pathetic attempt, he tried to stay in that memory. When his body calmed down, he knew he had to confront the truth.

He turned to Tony with despair and hope in his eyes. "What show is this?" He asked.

Tony frowned at him. "How do you have a son? You won't even look at a woman."

"Please. What show is this?"

"American Idol. I'm confused, how is Jamie Scott your son?"

_Jamie_. His son's name was Jamie. Was it short for James? She actually gave him his last name after everything he's done? Tears still trailed down but he felt his heart lurch as he physically swallowed and his chest moved forward in the slightest. His bottom lip trembled so he quickly tucked it between his teeth and while he literally felt his eyes become glassy. The name flowed and he couldn't stop that emotion of pride even though he had no right.

"Wait," Tony interrupted his daze. "Haley James is your wife?"

He may have been a recluse but he knew the show and the revelation that his wife was on it, jumpstarted a whole lot of feelings. For the first time in years, he felt every positive emotion that Haley was doing something she loved; the strongest was pride and he felt his breath hitch even though he completely missed her singing segment. Then once again, it all came crashing down when he processed what Tony had just said.

Haley James was his wife, and he wasn't supposed to know.

His eyes widened and he knew it was stupid and futile to deny the past ten minutes and act like any of it never happened but he honestly had no alternative. He broke down and cried like a little bitch at the first sighting of his son and tried for a mental breakdown at the thought of seeing his wife too. He acted like someone of a different personality in front of an already nosy teammate. He knew it didn't look good for him to deny it, but he had no other choice because the cold fear struck him dumb at the thought of Dante knowing that Tony knew. The little piece of info could be catalyst of Tony and even though he thought of him as annoying, he had to save to his life.

Nathan shook his head and started repeating "no," as his body started to tremble again, almost as powerful as an earthquake. He started rubbing every part of his body; his face, his hair, his arms, his thighs. His fingers dug into any patch of skin in its trail. The tears started to build again as he caught a glimpse of his wife, smiling and waving then breaking into an embarrassed chuckle as she mouthed "I love you" to the camera and blew a kiss. The next shot was his son, with what looked like renewed energy jumping up and down, holding a clutched, tiny hand to his heart.

He abruptly got up and denied Tony revelation again in any way he knew how.

"No, you don't know anything," he said. "They're not my family; I don't know what you're talking about."

Tony got up too and started to precariously stalk him with his hands low and spread in a non-threating matter. The tone of his voice though steeled. "Keith, do _not_ insult my intelligence. What is going on? Did you really leave Haley James pregnant and alone?"

"No!" Nathan roared. In a blind panic, he navigated to back-up and closed his eyes.

"Keith!"

He opened his eyes when he heard the hysteric in Tony's voice and once his actions caught up to his brain, his eyes got big and he felt the disbelief zoom throughout his body and he back away, as if he was stung. He looked at the gun in his right hand and wondered how it got there. He only closed his eyes for a second; how did he, in that quick time, slam his teammate against the wall and pin him there with the gun's nuzzle tightly pressed under his chin? He looked at the gun again and as if transfixed, started to point it dead center at his neck. He wondered what it felt like to have that powerful metal pressed against his clammy skin.

"Keith, what the fuck man?!" Tony rushed forward and grabbed the gun out his hand.

He should have put up a fight but he was frozen in every state; mentally, emotionally, and most definitely physically. Everything just shut down and the only thing he seemed to be able to have some control of was look at Tony with tear-filled eyes that were begging. He was begging for solace, denial, numbness; something to stop the suffocating feeling of personal Hell. The tears were thick and they slowly tricked down his cheeks as he sunk to his knees.

"Please," he begged. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. They're not my family, okay? For your sake and theirs, they're not my family. I didn't leave her. I didn't leave her. He's not my son. He's not my son. They can't be mine; I was never theirs. Please, Tony, please. Believe me, please. Believe me."

The more he talked, the more he practically screamed his pleas. He was crying all over again and surged forward in a praying position, his head tucked deep as he rested his bodyweight on his forearms that were flat against hardwood floor and hands tightly clasped. He heavily cried and barely acknowledged Tony on the floor with him, hugging his bent upper body and his comforted soothes that it was going to be okay.

He wished it was his wife's small body cradling him and her heaven voice telling him that it was indeed, going to be okay.

**May 29, 2009 – The Northwest**

The last Nathan heard before he passed out was Tony making a promise that he would hold tight inside his heart. He slept restless, finally waking up two hours after he exhausted himself. When he saw the 2:15 am holding the same blank stare at him, he knew sleep or anything else would be useless. His breathing returned to normal but his eyes still watered and that tightness squeezed his chest. He saw his family for the first time in four years and it was on a television screen. He felt everything that was related to sick.

He sighed as he bunched his sheets around his hands and just clenched as he closed his eyes to well the tears. Tears weren't going to get his family back, even if he had the will to. He knew he had to stay away even if everything inside him yearned and stretched and cried in agony to be reunited. The repercussions of just admiring in a crowd would be great because Dante had his goons at every corner around the nation. If the photos that had the crosshairs dead center on Haley's face four years ago struck fear cold in his vital organs, what would happen if Dante actually got his hands on her and his four-year-old son? He knew Dante had the sadistic personality checked just right for him to take dangerous pleasure in torturing his wife and son.

He knew it was the utmost importance that he'd stay away as far as possible. Death could be imminent for them, Tony, Lucas and even him if he even thought he could get away with just a glance in a crowded street. As much as he wanted them back, he had to walk away from the temptation.

Nathan sighed as he pushed his sheets off of him and scooted out his bed. He walked in the hallway, intent on the kitchen to finish off the case of beer (flight and practice be damned) when he stopped in the same spot where he heard Jamie's giggle. His place was completely dark but the moonlight gave a dumbed glow and he saw Tony's tablet laying on his coffee table, enticing him, just being there. Tony laid on his stomach on the couch, his head buried deep in his forearm that was folded above his head, quietly sleeping. He contemplated if Tony would get mad if he woke up and found his glorified small computer missing, but the thought of _admiring_ from afar shouldn't hurt. He didn't jeopardize Dante's business by making contact and their life was safe if he just immensed himself with his wife's singing again. The taste should be enough to satisfy his already growing need to see his family and curb any urges to be irrational.

Without another thought, he changed his course and swiped the tablet from the table before going back to his bed. He practically dived back into his sheets and sat up, resting the small screen against his propped-up thighs. He stared at the black screen and exhaled, his breath shaky. He prayed Tony didn't have a passcode and he gripped the sides before his right hand slid up and pressed the on button. Thankfully, the screen was on sleep mode and a bluish-white light illuminated his face. He swiped his fingers across the screen and tapped until he got what he wanted. His eyes danced across the screen his curious smile soon turned into a full-blown proud grin as he read article after article about his girl.

He didn't notice when his clock ticked to 4:00 am and he was slightly startled by his loud bleeping alarm clock. He quickly slammed his nearest hand down and continued researching anything and everything he could about his wife and American Idol. Soon, the articles weren't enough, so he watched YouTube videos. He laughed at his son's cuteness, bit his lip to stop the crying when he saw Haley's audition episode and how she related Nathan's douche-ness for the whole world to hear, and stared transfixed with a small glowing smile every time he heard her sing. He went to the American Idol webpage and caught up on every episode that streamed online (the ever basketball player he was, he forced himself to check out her competition and took notes even though he knew they were way out of Haley's league) and even figured out how to illegally download tonight's episode where he couldn't stop smiling every time his wife's angelic voice powered through everyone else's and captivated the judges. He cussed out loud at anyone who criticized her, even if it was the constructive. Soon, the videos weren't enough, and he went to community boards and trolled (probably) teenagers for their whiny posts about his wife and said some pretty creative, nasty comments to defend her honor. He went to Twitter and smiled at every compliment given about his wife and son.

He quickly became obsessed and stalker-ish and he didn't care. He briefly wondered if this was what those psycho stalkers that go above and beyond for their favorite celebrity felt like. There was some sort of acknowledgement that their behavior was something that wasn't condoned in society, but they couldn't help themselves; there was something about their object of affection that brought out strong, passionate feelings that made them delusional that there was some type of relationship. In Nathan's case, there was some sort of relationship, but he felt every song Haley sung or every time she looked at the camera with this pure happiness with a hint of surprise, that she _really_ stared in his eyes. He really felt there was a renewed relationship between them.

Was this what it was like for those groupie girls that tried to grab his attention? He once tried to go a bar with his teammates in the very beginning. He'd done well, enough to garner surprise that he was wrecking ball on the court with his jump shot and girls were all over him once he stepped over the threshold. Word had quickly spread the Supersonics starting line-up was in the building and he got swarmed by fake blonds and equally fake breasts that pushed up against the cut of their dress. He tried to enjoy the attention, but the high pitches of their voices, the annoying giggles and suffocating perfumes were too much for him. They weren't _natural_ like his wife and memories attacked one after the other behind his closed eyelids and he felt like he was cheating just talking to these girls. He quickly stumbled out of the place and even shoved a girl who couldn't take the hint and puked all night in his bathroom.

He shook the thought of the horrible experience and quickly decided that no, he wasn't a whore that wanted their attention, his admiration for his wife and son was genuine; he'd happily be their groupie, but only of the special kind. There always had been a connection between him and Haley when they were first introduced, and now, even though they were separated, the connection was still there but with new electricity.

He just knew it.

At 4:45 a.m., Nathan caught movement in just the slightest from atop of the tablet. His eyes flicked up and there was Tony, leaning against the doorframe with an almost confused frown on his face, like for the first time he didn't know how to proceed. He just kept his stare as his wife's voice boomed through the tiny speakers and finally Tony just sighed.

"We got to go now," Tony said, quietly.

"Just let me finish this video," he responded, just as quiet. He didn't want to let go, in more ways than one.

"You stayed up all night and my tablet is probably almost drained. Just let me charge it. I promise, I'll give it back."

Nathan looked up and literally felt the vulnerability in his eyes. His eyes flicked down again and true enough, he almost drained the battery. With sad reluctance and a dejected sigh, he moved the tablet away from his thighs and held it up for Tony to take. Tony came forward and with gentle eyes, he stared into his and softly spoke, conveying he meant what he said.

"I promise, only you and I know. You'll get the tablet back, in the privacy of our hotel room in Phoenix. Come on, Keith, we gotta leave soon."

Nathan only nodded and felt lost again. He looked down and waited until Tony left the room for privacy. He only had to get over the next nine hours or so. Nine hours should've been cake compared to the years he went without his family but he couldn't stop that heavy feeling in his chest at the prospect of waiting nine hours. Like his life, it was torture.

**May 28, 2009 – The Southwest**

Haley took a deep breath as a small group of people crowded her at the edge of the stage. They were doing the last of the touch-ups before she went out there for her solo performance in Vegas week. This wasn't anything she felt before when she went on that small tour. The venues were smaller back then, the crowd less and more judgmental than she could stand. Her confidence throughout group numbers were only two things: her son and the very fact if she could survive a three-month tour with arrogant Chris Keller in small bars and without theatrics to cover any nervousness, then she could command the bigger stage no problem.

She had no idea how she'd breezed through the group numbers and even power housed her group without a single thought that wasn't blurred. She felt like she was in a whirlwind and when she got the praises in the group number she just smiled when they stared and gave thanks. She tightly hugged her son – who rushed her at the end of the stairs – aloof of the fact that the cameras were stationed on her and the crowd was melting because of the adorableness of the scene. She was rushed backstage after a PA announced commercial break and she was consulted with the producers on what to do next. She was rushed to backstage soundstage where she was asked to speak to the camera her thoughts on the judges' critique and what she planned to do tomorrow on the solo performances.

She spoke without an actual thought in her mind and words just flowed. Whatever she felt at the moment, she showed; elation, stunned proudness, giddiness, and she had something show-stopping for tomorrow and she needed to get started now. Her hands flew to her mouth as she snorted and leaned forward in a gesture that she was calling a baby or puppy to her. The cameraman that filmed her guffawed at the "Southern adorkableness" of her reaction which she responded with a confused look.

"Trust me, honey," he said. "The audience across the nation is gonna go nutzo over that sound bite."

She gave him a forced thank you and promptly left the room to find her son and Lucas and inform the producers she wanted to leave. They politely told her it was protocol she stayed throughout the rest of the performances and assured that she would get ample time to prepare her solo for tomorrow. It was a blur the rest of the night as she tightly snuggled Jamie to her and played with him until they were allowed back to their hotel room. By the time she slid the plastic key into the room, Jamie was passed out, clung to her neck as he slightly drooled on her shoulder. She gently tucked him in, kissed his forehead, and recruited Lucas on the other bed to scour her ITunes for the perfect song.

Here she was now, after only maybe four hours of sleep, on the edge of backstage ready to perform a song she felt that would clinch a coveted spot in the top 20. She spent the majority of the last 18 hours practicing the song over and over again until it was practically imprinted in her brain. She visualized the song, made it her own in originality, and tried different ways to convey how this song was hers. The more the pressure, the more she wanted this and she had the confidence until now.

She had a poker face on but in the pit of her stomach, a knot started forming. It spread throughout her stomach like she ate something bad that was upsetting it. She was fine until now. She knew she had the performances, the passion that showed, and the absolute heart she poured every time she made eye contact with the judges and her biggest fan, Jamie. She wanted this, and she realized the sudden nervousness that just hit made it all that real. American Idol wasn't about the fame, and it honestly wasn't about her son and giving him a better life. At the very moment, when the PA screamed 30 seconds before she was to hit the stage, American Idol was all about her unabridged passion and soul she had for music and this was her dream. Dreams were supposed to come true, right?

She wanted this; she wanted to win, she wanted to sing for people to hear and become inspired and she was going to work hard with heart and integrity to get it. Forget the millions that were going to watch, the judges that could change their mind if she turned sharp for just a millisecond, and the people that said she was cliché. The nervousness meant she was afraid, and that was a good thing. She _really_ wanted this.

She got her cue that it was her turn and when the lights dimmed and walked forward, her heel echoing on the marble floor and the music started the slow ballad, she raised her chin and her head tilted back like she was singing to Heaven. Her eyes slowly fluttered open as the lights around the stage grew brighter around her and she walked forward, her confidence growing as she addressed the live crowd and the judges just slightly to her right, strategically in the dark so she couldn't see their scrutinized gaze as they accessed everything from her vocals to the way she wore her heels. She clinched her fist as she pounded her chest at the bridge of the song and grew strong in her notes and once she hit that high note, her eyes closed again and she moved to her right before she bent her body down and hit another powerful note. Her back moved up and down as she grooved along with the beat and moved to the other stage, hyping the crowd. She opened her eyes for the second verse and moved her free hand all over her hair as she gazed out to the crowd with vulnerability in her eyes.

She let her voice tremble right before the bridge to show how emotional the song was then stomped her foot hard on the marble stage that vibrations went up from her foot to her mid-calf. She closed her eyes as she captured that high note again and her body took control as she dropped to her knees in a spontaneous little jump. Distantly, she heard the excited gasps in the crowd and the cheering got louder as she softened her voice to a point where she was caressing the notes. She kept her eyes closed as she closed out her set with her free hand rubbing all over her hair then slowly trailing down her jaw to her neck then stopping at her heart where she flexed her fingers against the fabric.

_Where there is desire_

_There is gonna be a flame_

_Where there is a flame_

_Someone's bound to get burned_

_But just because it burns_

_Doesn't mean you're gonna die_

_You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try_

_Gotta get up and try, and try, and try_

_You gotta get up and try, and try, and try_

The cheers were thundering to her ears and when Ryan Seacrest helped her up and practically saw the whole auditorium rumbling because of the crowd, her smile slowly spread to an ear-splitting grin. When all four judges gave her a standing ovation, she choked a little when the tears started to form. When she made eye-contact with her son that was going wild she was afraid he might have an aneurism, she couldn't help the pure joy that spread all throughout her body as she blew him a kiss.

She never noticed Dan Scott, hidden in the darkness submerged in the cheering crowd, glaring at her with narrowed eyes.

**End Chapter 8.**

**Twenty pages to make up for the long wait and I hope I brought the tears. Lol. Again, sorry for the wait and I really do hope I brought the epic. Things are going to get interesting from here on out. Read and review if you'd like.**

**Song credit – Try by Pink**

**CAli**


	10. Chapter 9 The Dilemma

It Never Seems

**As promised, the new chapter and would you look at that, almost 20 pages. I'm getting pretty good at this. Lol. Things are starting to come together and I hope the flow is there, although it may be all over the place with our main characters (personally, for me, I believe.) Enjoy. Read and review if you'd like.**

**CAli**

Ch. 9 – The Dilemma

**June 5****th****, 2009 – The Southwest**

Haley kept her eyes closed and tried to control her breathing. She thought the hardest was the quiet when she was first introduced in those small clubs and even though their eyes were clouded in the darkness, she knew they passed judgment. There was something about the fact that every day – thanks to the redundant producers – this was different because of the platform. She was a hopeful on _American Idol. _Whatever pressure she felt in those small clubs couldn't compare to millions of people watching, and the producers seemed to love reminding her about that small (read: huge) difference.

She pondered if this was their subtle way of mentally preparing her for the live show. Did they really have faith she'd be in the top ten? Was that even allowed to pre-cherry pick which contestants that would boost ratings? She heard conspiracy rumors for years, which was probably why she was hesitant to try out in the first place even before she met Nathan.

She was also wary what this much attention would do to her and Jamie. Her son seemed to love the camera attention and he pretty much had her competition and crew wrapped around his pudgy little finger. She couldn't deny the fact that she and Nathan made a very cute kid and Jamie instantly inherited the Scott charm and quickly learned how to use it to his advantage. The very simple fact that her son could give a toothy grin and it would be like hypnosis had her worried and feared that maybe she was only on this show because of the brownie points her kid magically gravitated. She didn't want to be one of those mothers who used their child for fame and prayed that she wasn't being taken advantaged of and criticized.

She could sing; she knew that, but was she here for an alternative reason? The sinking feeling that she was watched had her fears not so much prominent but lingering on that line that bordered on the beginnings of insanity and full-blown paranoia. Did the producers want her because her story was an instant success in ratings or because it was finally time to show her true talent and that she belonged? Was it both? Cameras were everywhere, documenting everything so she knew she was being watched but that was what made her nervous the most.

This was _national_ television; everyone across the nation and possibly across the world knew her sad story. She knew she would be harshly judged but would the attention bring something unwarranted?. Her and Jamie were exposed now; could that mean Nathan would know where they were now? Would he try to contact her? What about her father-in-law? He disappeared around the time Nathan did and she never really thought about it but now that she was on the brink (maybe) of fame, would Dan recognize her and either try to embrace what potential money and publicity she could bring in or destroy whatever happiness she tried to get as he always had a tendency to do. She was so confused and possibly very well setting herself up into a failed trap.

She felt her chest become a little bit uncomfortable every time she tried to breathe in and belatedly thought if this was a panic attack. Breathing out was starting to get unsteady and her hands felt softer than normal. She quickly brought her hands up to her chest and clasped them together and the skin was slicker. The realization that she was sweating had her lips dried and the need for liquid became unbearable. A delayed second later, she licked her lips and just like that they were dried again. A terrible feeling dropped to the pit of her stomach and she had that prickling feeling again she was being watched.

"Haley, you're up in a second," The PA said as she gently touched her arm and dragged her fingertips down. "Remember, 90 seconds to blow them out the stadium."

Haley whipped her face to the young lady and she felt her eyes zeroed in and focused. Her eyesight seemed to be blurred also and she never noticed. The PA handed her a microphone and she automatically took it. Something caught her attention in her peripheral and she quickly looked in the direction and sighed when it was just a camera panning down from levy to capture her expression. The earpiece inside her right ear sounded off and she completely missed the direction from the live director. His voice was amplified as he seemed agitated that he had to repeat himself but she ignored his tone and like a professional, smiled big and waved like that was her cue all along.

_Mama, just sing. _Jamie's cute voice that had the simplest tone with a twinge of subtle condescending mixed in echoed in her mind and she took a deep breath. Her son's obvious advice calmed all her nerves and fears for the moment and she was one step closer from something. Utopia, freedom, passion; she had no idea but whatever it was would definitely squash all the doubts.

"Now, fighting for one of those coveted spots in the top 20, she has continually impressed our judges with her powerful ballads and extremely charming son. Ladies and gentlemen, Haley James singing an original song," Ryan Seacrest said.

The PA motioned for her to walk the stage and with one final breath, she briefly closed her eyes again and something in her eyes transformed. She felt the confidence she used to have when Nathan encouraged her to sing with that soft smile she swore he only reserved for her. The confidence wasn't fully there yet, but she still knew she had this; she could sing to the point where everyone in this building was speechless. She stopped in the middle of the stage, gracefully glided down onto the piano bench, delicately pressed the first key and let out a harmony that would make doves cry.

**June 6****th**** – 2009 – The Southwest**

"Mama, you're going to make it," Jamie said as he wrapped his whole body around her leg.

Haley looked down and hoped her smile had that humble confidence but she was so nervous she was surprised her whole body wasn't shaking and her bottom lip wasn't bleeding with how it was permanently between her teeth. She practically felt the silent trembles in her body and like last night, her breathing seemed irregular. She remembered she felt like this the first couple of days on that small tour but this time seemed different and it finally hit her.

Cameras filmed her knee bounced up and down when she sat until Lucas calmly laid his hand down to stop her. The silent room got too much when it was just her and another guy who was keened on just keeping his head low and she heard the small mumblings of reassurance and prayers as he folded his hands behind his necked and isolated his head. Jamie tried to talk to her and so did Lucas but she couldn't just carry on beyond a sentence. Finally, she couldn't take it, so she just stood up and decided pacing was a good exercise to expel all this out-of-control energy that rumbled throughout her body.

The whole good hour and a half, that stupid camera man just stayed in the corner and filmed her every move and she thought it was odd since there was plenty of other people doing other stuff while they waited for their name to be called until they dwindled where it was just four people. Haley briefly wondered why the other contestant's support system wasn't there but she quickly banished the thought when her eyes flickered over to the camera man again. Something prickled at the back of her neck and she couldn't shake the feeling she was being more than watched. She was sorely aware that the grubby man was documenting her every move, and maybe she was paranoid, but it seemed like it was more than just him who was watching. It was stupid, honestly, but it doubled the nervousness and it was doing a bad number on her.

When Jamie suddenly collided with her leg as she turned to continue her pace, she looked down and automatically calmed because her son seemed to know she was on the verge of a breakdown. There was something erratic in her behavior (she knew) and she was bombarded with this feeling that suddenly inspired her to mask what she was doing and feeling for her son. Jamie had all the confidence in the world in her and she had to back him up somehow with his belief and that simple gesture seemed to get everything going inside of her. Her son wanted her to do this; had the utmost determination that she would win and she couldn't disappoint him. The surge of emotion helped somewhat with her nervous feeling she had all week but she had the strongest will that this dominant feeling wouldn't go away no matter how much she looked at her son or talked with Lucas that she could do this.

"Haley," the PA said as she peeked her head in the door. "The judges are ready for you."

"Just act like they should already say you're in the moment you get in there, mama," Jamie said.

She flat out laughed at his arrogance and fluidly picked him up where he immediately wrapped his baby fat arms around her neck and squeezed. He peppered her with kisses and puckered her lips for a final one which he gave a huge collide, cupped with over-the-top noises. She let him down and made eye contact with Lucas, who gave her the proudest smile and humble nod of the head. As she left the room for her final verdict, she turned her head and saw Lucas slightly bend down and opened his arms and Jamie ran and sat snug on his hip. The scene was so ordinary but made her heart soar that when she turned back around she straightened her body, poised well, and held her head straight and proper. Her body tingled with confidence and will that she was going to win for her son. The judges were enamored with her, the producers were charmed by her son, and most of all, she loved to sing; she was going to get in. Her last intake of breath before she entered the room was slightly uneven but no one could tell the difference but her.

**June 6****th**** 2009 – The Southwest**

Dan stayed hidden in the very back where the dark welcomed him. It shouldn't be right how comfortable and fluent he seemed with darkness. He never liked the sun or bright lights his entire life and seemed to be his bonafide metaphor he lived by from the moment he was young and preferred to be silent and frightening in the dark than be surrounded by light and positive.

He used to hate his nightlight and when he was three and his parents tried the whole stupid routine of turning it on because all children were afraid of the dark at his age, he barely waited until they shut the door before he yanked the offending thing and threw out his window where it smashed in pieces on the bricks outlining the pathway to his front door. He was annoyed that they just assumed he was afraid when he was the king because he wasn't like most children his age. The dark was his friend; the only time he even tolerated the light was when he played basketball.

He knew at a very young age that he was smarter than most people and with that superior thinking, he felt the world should be privileged by his presence. He knew what everyone did before they knew it; that's why he went beyond excellence in the graceful sport of basketball. He was always one step ahead, always on edge when someone though they could outsmart them in a play. He was always thinking of ways to make people bow down to them. His older brother, Keith, was an idiot. Always caring about others and being sensitive and shit and he was the perfect example of what not to be. Dan knew at a young age that he was quicker, stronger, and smarter than everyone else and anyone who didn't take advantage of that dominance didn't deserve to live. His brother was so fucking stupid for putting kindness before darkness and that's what got him killed.

He was so sick and tired of being frustrated with this guy who was supposed to be his blood; supposed to share the same supreme that they could've been unstoppable. Sure, he had the charms to fake, knew when to marry someone who gave that accelerated reputation, how to get what he wanted with careful warning that had the attached razor-back consequences. Dan Scott knew how to ruin a life, and even his own son wasn't an exception.

He still held a grudge on the universe for taking away the one thing that could complete his hunger for royalty in this world. He had the sheer talent to make people fall in a bow when it came to basketball. He was well on his way into the pros until his knee popped and his life was ruined. That was his ticket; his meaning, his _spot, _and it was taken just like that, like it was supposed to be some hidden life meaning that was a blessing if he closely looked. He was supposed to be grateful for that? Fuck that shit, so when Nathan came along and showed somewhat close talent to what he had, he pounced on his second chance. Fuck Karen and that bastard child and his brother; _Nathan_ was going to show the world what Dan Scott was made of and he wasn't going anywhere.

He played along when Nathan met Haley. Allowed his own blood, his own kin to think he was breaking away from his mental and physical abuse to be superior. Even let him as far as getting emancipated and married to the little heifer. Mind games were what he was best at and played his son like a basketball game. He strategically gave him a little room to let him think he was in control, eased him to certain spots his son forgot was his weak ones and killed that motherfucker when it was isolated and vulnerable. He planted doubts when he saw the hesitation on that stupid kid's face, made passive-aggressive comments to him and that little girl whenever they were alone and hoped the young marriage thing would turn on them. He almost won when that bitch left his heartbroken son for _music_; what a pansy-ass career.

He was disgusted with how his son moped when she left. He almost disowned his ass right then and there for falling in love when he had a basketball career to think about. He almost did it too, taking everything his son was worth and kicking him out of his house even when his bitch of a wife thought she was finally taking control back when she changed the locks on _his_ mansion. The nasty words were on the tip of his tongue and the true sneer on his face when he was about to call his son's name and he stopped when Nathan made the first free throw in that drive-way. The way his hand still stayed up in the air, keeping the fluid motion and how the ball rotated like it was poetry and swished through the white net, he stopped his retort and decided to watch. Nine straight shots later with the same fluidity and perfect swish sound and Dan smirked. Nathan still had that raw talent that he inherited from him and that hunger was back. He'd be an idiot to let his son go so he went right back to his game-plan; he separated them, now it was time to convince Nathan he'd be a little worthless shit without him and he needed him in his life. Slowly, he'd love the game more than his wife, divorce papers would be his best friend, and the world would finally owe Dan what he deserved.

Then that stupid little bitch came back after Nathan still wanted to fight for her. His dumb little pussy of a son just couldn't let her go no matter what antics he tried. He sent him away to basketball camp, hired Chris Keller to woo her back in his arms, planted the idea she purposely got pregnant to tie him down, even threatened her but they were sooo in love, please. He threw up a little when his son's eyes shined after the school shooting and he said to his face he was renewing his vows to his wife and he wasn't invited. Then he came to him and said Haley was pregnant and he needed money to pay the bills. He laughed in his face with sinister smile and he meant every word he said when he told his son all the ways he could say no.

Then he got word Dante was in town and targeted his son. At first he was proud that Nathan had such true talent that a loan shark would approach him to make some shady money (which he personally thought money was money and more of it, the more power to influence.) He had no idea how Nathan grew a heart and even begged him one more time for help but he still refused. His son had to pay for how he treated him. Then his imbecile, disgrace of a son stayed true to that petty little thing called morals and threw the game for Dante. He knew Dante was out a lot of money when his son suddenly had a power boost and that gave that prick of a coach, Whitey, his first state championship.

There fell, his perfect opportunity.

His son was getting everything he asked for; happiness with family and dream scholarship with Duke. Happiness wasn't being tied down at the age of 17 and being this upstanding role-model citizen. Happiness was living the party lifestyle while making millions and being superior because _no one_ could touch you or your talent. Why couldn't Nathan see that? He had to destroy that happiness so when Dante was fueled by his anger and desperation and tried to run over Nathan and crashed, he pounced on what would be his pathetic son's downfall. If he fell from grace, so had he. He pulled Dante out of that car, heaved his heavy body on his shoulder and ran to the nearest darkness where he felt completely at home while Nathan looked on bewildered when he sprinted to the smoky car while his pregnant wife laid in the middle of the street, mangled after she took the hit from the car. With the chaos of the police and ambulance, he snuck away five towns over and checked in Dante at the small hospital in Northern North Carolina and called Duke to set up a meeting with their athletic director and head men's basketball coach.

He gave a full grin while he watched his son admit to point-shaving and begging for forgiveness on TV. The shame and devastation on his face as he admitted his poor judgment and his scholarship revoked and how he begged not for the title to be stripped from his coach who deserved it the most. He went on asking for the public to forgive him and action only be taken against him for his wrongdoing and not his team and how he was going to become a better man by admitting his mistake and having the strong support system of his wife and brother and continued to learn to be a better man so his _son_ would be proud of him. Dan had to give props on how manipulating Nathan could be but he was still the master and nothing pulled at any type of emotion as he watched his son stand tall but about to crumble and then the camera flashed to the strong hold Haley's hand had on his and she squeezed. The visual made him sick with anger and he broke his TV. The days following, he held a close eye on Dante and once he woke up he told him in not so uncertain terms that he owed him and he wanted him to destroy his son in the most despicable way possible.

Dante had no problem and immediately agreed on the deal he planned out_. It was simple; what do you take away from a family man? His family, in the most undiluted filthy way_, Dante once explained. He had glee every time he talked about the progression of how he took Nathan's soul. He agreed with him; happily swam in the same glee but now things were starting to fuck up.

Here he sat in the darkness of an auditorium of a live taping of American Idol in Las Vegas. There was his daughter-in-law, walking with confidence to the middle of the stage as the four judges reviewed her original audition and the last week's performances so far. His upper lip curled in a furious sneer as it sporadically twitched as he looked at her schooled face. His blood seemed to rise in pressure every time he looked at her, his bastard child and his grandson. The three seemed to build a life without his son which it what he wanted initially, but he couldn't help the physical reaction as his body consumed with hate at the sight of Haley fucking James. He was glad she stopped going by his last name because she was common folk; a fucking tutor with a heart that was best friends with his bastard child that didn't even hold a candle of superiority but niceness. There was a reason why he never claimed Lucas as his own and it was because he didn't show the balls to be an asshole that Nathan did when he first learned how to dribble before anyone else his age and bragged about it. Neither Haley nor Lucas deserved the last name of Scott and as far as he's seen of his grandson, neither did the happy-go-lucky child.

He was here simply to make sure Haley didn't get to live out her dream and be on national television. He made sure Nathan was in all parts of mentally, emotionally, and physically detached from the woman and he had this small inkling that if Nathan saw her after four and half years, something might break in his perfect revenge. He couldn't help that her auditions already aired but he could stop her from appearing every week. He never got to live out his dream, so why would this little bitch get to live hers? Nathan's dream changed the moment he met this pathetic bitch and he never got to live it either. So why would she get a chance at happiness when she ruined his family? This wasn't just about stripping Nathan's soul; this whole charade was about exacting revenge on the people that ruined every plan he had from the moment his son shot a basketball at the age of two and made it with that beautiful _swish_ sound. Haley James would suffer just as much as Nathan until the day he died.

If Haley made it to the live shows, he had a suspicion that Nathan would fight back. At one point, Nathan said whenever his wife sang, it brought hope inside him. He believed his son with the sheer look of pure love and devotion on his face. He couldn't risk it even if he contracted Dante for only four and half years. It was an odd number, but he figured with that much time, Haley would learn how to hate and Dante wasn't one for giving up undultered fun even if it had a time limit. Haley should have been stripped of her soul too and singing should've reminded her of the good times with Nathan.

_She wasn't supposed to sing._

His lip twitched again as his devil thoughts went to that drug addict that was supposed to be a credited judge. She had that floozy air to her and half the time she couldn't focus on him when he handed her 100 grand to throw the decision on Haley. Her behavior was erratic and she slurred her words; sometimes trailing to an uncompleted mumble before she went right back up again with excitement in her voice after she thought too hard. He wasn't happy that she was the one he wound up with, but she was the most vulnerable and half the time didn't know what she was doing or taking. She was the perfect influence and he silently threatened that she better deliver.

If not, Haley James would have to pay in a way she never expected.

**June 13, 2009 – The West Coast**

Haley stared ahead like nothing bothered her. Everything around her was nightmare; people with headsets were practically running 100 meter dashes with all sorts of small, expensive electronics in their hands. The PAs she's gotten to know the past couple of weeks were shouting like any other type of voice was unacceptable and one PA particularly loved to snap her fingers. Times were shouted and people hustled around her but she just stayed rooted.

She should've been nervous. This was nothing compared to going to small bars in small towns for a small tour. This was national television and she made top 20. If anything mattered the most, it was this song and performance and her body should've practically been doing the tell-tale physical signs that she didn't belong here. Her hands should've felt slicker, her breathing not that quite regular as it had a pitch every time she'd intake some air, and her stomach should've been cramping like no other as her throat practically felt like it hollowed out with nervous she was.

A PA gripped her shoulder and she slightly jumped at the unexpected, rough contact. It was the only time she showed any reaction in the last fifteen minutes since they last ushered her on stage to mingle with the others that made it and interact with Ryan Seacrest. Backstage was like on auto-pilot with a dead and far-away look on her face. When they dragged her to the edge of the stage for her live audition song for the audience and flurried as they readjusted her outfit and touched up her make-up, she never reacted.

When the PA informed her she had thirty seconds, she mutely nodded and clinched her jaw in just the slightest as she gulped. Her eyes focused on the bright lights that silhouetted Ryan Seacrest as he introduced her and she licked her lips. The PA glided the microphone and she death-gripped it while the live director sounded in her ear. She nodded and the PA spoke into his headset and once again reminded her cue and said in the most bored, professional tone _good luck_.

This surge of confidence seemed to grow since she was announced last week to making to the live shows and she remembered she collapsed to her knees in shock. She knew she had a lot of things that put in her favor in the thinning process but when all four judges looked at each other and nodded, she couldn't but help suspend her breath as she inhaled. She only guessed the look of vulnerability that stayed permanent on her face was a highlight as they filmed. When they all smiled and Simon Cowell said in his snooty, British accent that she made top 20, her instant reaction was to fall. If there was pain, then this was all real; if she was numb, it was just a big cruel joke.

She felt the sharp stings on her knees and shins and she knew it was real. Her hands cupped her mouth and nose and bawled because it was _real_ and for the first time, something inside her besides sadness and anger tugged at her heart.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Ryan said and even though she was a hundred feet away, his voice still boomed to her. "Haley James, vying for your vote with an edgy choice."

She waited for the music to introduce her and stepped up in the smoky haze with an enticing harmonize. What she chose was something totally different than all the audition pieces and she wanted something to show her versatility and sexiness. Lucas suggested a bang song that no one would expect but was totally her. Jamie wanted her to rap Sir Mix-A-Lot's "_Baby Got Back_." Lucas had the decency to bow his head when she narrowed her eyes in the sharpest glare. He tried to pass it on Skills, claiming he had it blasting when he took Jamie back to his apartment but he stopped mid-way by the raised eyebrow she gave him and sheeply apologized.

After an hour of brainstorming and skimming her ITunes, she found her perfect song to come out with a fighting bang. She walked down the steps the stage crew built and immediately walked between the band members as they heavily rocked out. She lowered her voice for this one, giving it a husky, sultry feel as she gave a slow tempo to the lyrics. She gazed into the overhead camera that craned by like in rehearsal and gave her best tempting look before closing her eyes when she came into the chorus. She swore her heart lead the way as her voice suddenly changed tempo as she screamed the next lines and she was worried the change of tempo would throw the audience off and her since she hadn't changed speeds in that amount of short time in a while and her air control wasn't the best. However, tonight she seemed flawless, as she nailed the tempo pace like it was as natural as drinking water.

She bent her body as she rocked back and forth on the chorus as she kept her eyes closed. Her hair wildly whipped in the air and she hoped it gave the desired effect as her feet stayed planted and the veins of her necks strained against her skin as she hit the notes. Her hair flipped up as she said the last line and her eyes made contact with the camera in front of her. She gave a sexy smirk as she jerked her head back like she was inviting the camera to follow her back. Her shoulder jutted out as she sassily walked back and picked up a guitar that casually appeared near the bass player and set the microphone on a stand that was hand-in-hand with guitar. She licked her lips before she kissed the microphone as she slowly said the next verse and she played the notes like it was eased. She was so in sync with the band, she grinned at how much fun she was having and in awe with how everything easily smoothed. It was like she belonged here and her adrenaline pumped at the thought.

She played the melody with her back pressed against the bass player and she heard the crowd cheering almost to the point where it drowned out her ears. The cheers fueled her more as she made eye contact with the passing camera again and gave a saucy wink as she quickly put the guitar back, grabbed the mic and jumped on the heightened plank where the drums were. She took a risky move and lowered her voice as she said the bridge with her back to the audience. As the guitars gave the sound effect of practical air waves, she vibed her body in time with the subtle build up. She took a lungful of breath and screamed out the chorus before she jumped off the plank and twisted her body mid-air before she landed on her legs in a skid: all the while singing the chorus. She dragged out the last line as she slowly, like piece by piece lowered her voice as she said each word. She gave a little falsetto towards the end but connected back to her tone when she held the note.

She had to close her eyes to live with the thunderous applause.

_And in the after birth  
_

_On the quiet earth  
_

_Let the stains remind you  
_

_You thought you made a man  
_

_You better think again  
_

_Before my role defines you_

**June 20****, ****2009 – The West Coast**

Haley thought she'd never feel this way again. When she was the first revealed as safe last week and the camera steadied on her reaction, she was beyond shock. She only made a fool of herself in the beginning when she had no idea the camera panned on her. Her attention was focused on the audience's reaction to the reveal which seemed choreographed with how in sync the applause seemed to explode the building with vibrations. She was distracted and in awe with whom could bring that much excitement to a crowd and she had no idea it was her until the person beside her nudged her. She laughed at her delayed response and bent her whole body to her lap in embarrassment while her hands cupped her mouth and nose.

She earned a few ribbings from Ryan and slight teasing from the judges but she couldn't be bothered with that. Her breath hitched as the cheers got louder as her smile grew and she waved. This was all becoming too surreal pretty fast and she felt like only tonight she should just enjoy it. Everything started to build inside her and she had a hard time breathing even though her composure showed she may get cocky.

The reality set in; this was it and that same feeling tugged at her heart.

After the live results show, producers gathered the contestants and she only listened when they laid out their assignment for next week. Her attention was focused in the beginning but the more they went into mundane like suggestions on what to choose and appointments for wardrobe, the less attention she gave. One minute, she was making eye contact with that British guy and the next her eyes shifted to the right and everything disappeared. She immediately knew what songs she wanted from the artist they were paying tribute to. Everything seemed normal to her but she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something different about making top ten that had her throat dry.

When she met Jimmy Lovine the next day to discuss the songs she wanted to perform, the feeling was still there, but something settled in the pit of her stomach. She was able to practice with a sense of flawless nature as Jimmy kept complimenting her technique and only wanted to tweak a few things. She took his suggestions serious and worked even in her cramped hotel room with Lucas lounging next to her as she wrote her own composition of the songs she wanted to perform.

She was surprised how well-behaved and attentive Jamie was about the past week. Sometimes he would lie on her back and quietly peek over her shoulder as she wrote musical notes and lyrics underneath or fascinate with her notebook next to her, his tiny hand cradling his chin in the exact replica of her mannerisms as his light eyes widened every time she erased a portioned or hummed a note. Every once in a while he would ask what certain notes were and the dumb-down version on how to write music. Sometimes, he would look at her with such awe and amazement as she sang certain parts under her breath. He would keep his intense stare on her lips until he would bust out with a perfect harmonization to match her. His continuation of development always stopped her mid-lyric and Lucas mid-drumming his fingers and she didn't know about Lucas, but she would always give Jamie the biggest, proudest smile and was her constant reminder that maybe she should take a break and spend more time with her son since he was being so good about her constant attention being taken away from him for a national singing competition.

Every day until now she worked with Jimmy either in the recording studio or rehearsals in the auditorium where they filmed and each time she back with new drafts on her performance. In his brash way, he would tell her what to emphasize or to take out and he would constantly be in her space, snapping his fingers. He was making her work and even though something unsettling still stayed inside her, she found herself picking up on what the song needed and what Jimmy was saying. He had this fire every time she was in the room and it wasn't until now she realized how much she was playing off of it.

She didn't realize how much he believed in her and was making her work for it. As she stood in front of these judges after a powerful, emotional performance she realized just how much she thrived on Jimmy's energy. She bit her lip as she felt all the emotional feeling inside her starting to brim over and she knew the camera was focused on how her lower lip trembled. The judges were praising her and she should be giving a mega-wat smile; a smile that showed America she could be their sweetheart if people for her. The smile never stretched her lips though, even when she made eye contact with Lucas and Jamie front row, trying to cheer the loudest than their peers. She felt her body started to tremble as all she could do was nod and meekly thank the judges. Ryan's dapper suit gave a little comfort as he wrapped her in an one-arm hug and asked her if she was okay. He subtlety nodded that she should speak into the microphone and in a daze, lamely explained that she was okay and just overwhelmed at the moment. When he tried to press on, she just slightly shook her head and managed a charming, tight-lipped smile.

"You'll find out in the interview," she coyly answered back and she swore she heard Lucas the loudest in his cheer.

As Ryan accepted her answer and stood straight as he spoke to the stationary camera in front of them, her mind fazed as he explained the voting process once again if America wanted to vote for her. Before they went live, the producers stressed before every show during rehearsal that at this point in the show, they smile, wave, and come up with silly, endearing movements with their number. She remembered the direction, but all she managed as she looked into that camera was just a scared smile.

Beside the camera, the PA counted down until commercial break and Ryan said his scripted transition and played nice with her as he turned his body fully into hers for a hug. Once they got the clear, Haley turned around and walked to the side to backstage. As she took in a huge breath, she finally realized why she was so scared after the positives review.

She wanted this so bad.

This music thing was starting to give her meaning and she was deathly afraid it was going to be taken away from her. So her next song, she had to bring the performance harder than what she practiced. She walked back to the designated area for all the backstage stuff and she literally felt determination built in every nerve inside her with each step she took. A chill ran down her neck to the middle of her spine and she suddenly exhaled that seemed chopped and unstable. She had that creepy feeling again and she whipped her head over her right shoulder but there was nothing in the hallway except indistant chatter then several men speed-walked right by her carrying a boom mic. Chaos seemed to resume around her and after a moment of hesitance, she shook her head and continued to her destination that the PA frantically whispered to her as she exited the main stage.

**June 22, 2009 – The West Coast**

Haley was exhausted as she slowly slid her door card into her hotel suite. The tiny light turned green and she had to put effort to push the door open with her shoulder and she slightly grunted throughout the motion. Her eyes fluttered as she looked up and made eye contact with Lucas then heavily slump her shoulders as she sighed. Jamie's head was cradled in Lucas's lap with the thumb on the edge of his mouth as he softly snored. Lucas's hand was buried in a clump of sandy hair and she knew she caught him soothing her son.

Lucas completed his action before he gave her a calming smile then leaned his body back, his arms bracing him as he puffed out his chest and small cracks sounded in the room as he cracked his back. She walked closer while dropping her stuff along the way and leaned in to give him a platonic peck before placing a lingering kiss on her son's forehead. She sighed again as she just looked at Jamie, who's sleeping face reminded her so much of her husband when he passed out after practice for an afternoon nap. A wave of sadness suddenly overcame her as she just replayed her actions.

"He tried staying up," Lucas said lowly. "Good session at the studio?"

"Yeah," she said, he eyes glued to Jamie.

"Hey," the tone in her best friend's voice made her look up because she recognized the sensitivity placed all over and it was the only time he used that tone when he noticed she needed to talk. "What's wrong?"

She needed to talk because ever since Las Vegas, she's had this overwhelming feeling. Everything was happening so fast, she really never had time to process everything and she needed her best friend to do that. When she looked up and felt her eyes started to hurt because of the built-up tears forming, she kind of hated herself for the slight tremble in her voice as she gave him her true, raw emotion.

"I can't help but replay the last five minutes," she confessed. "Shouldn't I be doing this with Nathan?"

She saw the look of concern on Lucas's face as she said this and the measured intake of breath he took and she knew he had an inkling this conversation was going to happen and he wanted to prepare himself one last time. The fact that the seriousness in his face showed her how well he knew her and she was eternally grateful for her best friend to stumble (literally) into her live when they were 10 when he tripped on a crack and ran into her. Her balance wasn't that great back then either so when he landed on top of her on the grass where he maneuvered their fall, she knew on some level he would be her protector.

He was her best friend and she sometimes wondered why they couldn't be more but it always stopped at the "what if?" She knew her heart belonged to another Scott and music but when Nathan left, so did her music. She thought it was possible to have both but when one left, it just wasn't the same. She admitted she went off the deep end when her husband left and thought music would never be the same so why try? Now that one was back, was it possible to love without the other? She knew on some level, that was only the surface of the problem and one look from Lucas confirmed he knew her inner struggle. It was time to talk it out and she was scared shitless.

"You should put Jamie to bed" Lucas whispered. "I'll get the beers ready in the next room."

No matter how exhausted she was, she felt stronger and more rejuvenated when she lifted her son by his armpits with ease. She tucked his head into the crook of her neck and was comforted when his even breathing tickled her neck and she couldn't resist leaving another long kiss to his temple. She swayed him a little like when he was baby and he would wake up crying, upset she was nowhere near and wouldn't calm down until he was in the comfort of her arms. She closed her eyes and reveled in the moment before she heaved her arms and lifted him up so she could get a better grip. Like poetry, she flowed with ease as she walked around the bed and with one arm, pulled the comforter back and gently laid Jamie down before pulling the covers back up. She made sure he was in there snug before she smoothed her hand through his hair and whispered that she'd love him and would see him in the morning.

She stood up straight and looked down one more time to gaze at her son. Her emotions were all over the place right now and she felt the tears forming again before she took a deep breath and exhaled a sigh. It was time she'd get things together and the only person that could draft that out with her was in the next room. She licked her lips and with one last look, she forced herself to meet Lucas.

When she entered her room, Lucas laid sideways on her bed with two open beers on the sheets with him supporting the necks. He looked up and made eye contact before he gave her an encouraging smile and cocked his head. She made her way to the bed, and as she walked, he sat up and offered her a beer when she dipped down onto the heavenly bed. Once her knee pressed into the soft material, Lucas reached for hug and even though the cold beer uncomfortably pressed into his shoulder blades, he made no complaints and only squeezed her harder into the embrace. She sighed like she was releasing stress and comfortably reciprocated as she closed her eyes. After a long few moments, he pulled away and silently raised his beer to his eye-level and gave her an obvious look. She chuckled and clinked her beer with his and they both savored in the long gulp of the brewery goodness.

"You miss Nathan, don't you?" He said after a long moment they stopped drinking in silence.

"I've missed him for four years," she said lowly, refusing to make eye contact.

"What's the problem, Hales?"

She finally made eye contact and shrugged. One of her legs were bent as the other laid out. Lucas laid on his side, his beer long gone and the bottle stood lone on the nightstand while she nursed hers. His hands were quietly massaging her foot as he watched her body language.

"Nathan encouraged me to pursue music when we got together," she said. "Once he found out I had a passion, he pushed it. He always used to tell me that I needed to chase my dream so I wouldn't be bitter while he chased his. He wanted me to be happy; that his worst fear was that he held me back."

"And you did. You left him for that tour."

"And I about destroyed him with that decision. I think that's when we both realized we thought we could have both but when I chose one over the other, it was a slap in the face."

"Hales, we talked about this," Lucas shook his head. "The marriage was young. You did something most people would never do. You went after your dream and yeah, he was abandoned and hurt but he doesn't get to play the victim when he left."

"Lucas, when I came back, I said my family was important. When we reconciled, I vowed to him that our marriage was what I wanted the most and was what made me happy. So yeah, when he left, I thought maybe he didn't feel the same, that he was just doing it because nothing came along and when something did…"

"To play devil's advocate, do we even know for sure he's playing basketball? I mean, you would think his name would be in the pros or scouting reports or something but since he disappeared, nothing. He was down, I admit with the whole Dante thing but overall he seemed happy that you guys were going to have Jamie soon."

"How is that helping anything?" She gave him a perfect _you're an idiot_ look and he had to chuckle which brought her out of her serious moment too.

"Right. That's my cue for another beer." He momentarily stopped her massage and sat up and reached the other side to grab an unopened bottle and bottle opener.

The other nightstand was lined up with at least five other bottles and she had to smirk to herself. Of course Lucas would stock up for this conversation. For that simple fact, she loved her best friend almost like she loved her son.

After he took several long gulps, he went right back to his slow massage and she found herself gulping copious amounts of the beer she was nursing also. This conversation was a doozy and she felt the more liquor, the better her thoughts. The contradictions always made sense when it came to the complications; at least, that's the best, acceptable answer she could come up with.

"I don't know, Lucas," she said as she looked down at her lap. "I was angry and hurt when he left me seven months pregnant with just a fucking note. I shut down. I focused on Jamie and being logical and because my passion for music was jumpstarted by Nathan, I always found it synonymous. In my mind, music just brought me pain and grief so I stopped. _If I couldn't have Nathan, then I couldn't have music_. I remembered thinking that so many times when I looked at Jamie or felt myself not caring about an assignment for class. It was my reminder that I needed to get real so I fell out of love with music."

"Now that's changed."

The way Lucas said it made her snap her eyes up to look at him. The seriousness and understanding was clear as a cloudless sky. He knew that was the root of the problem and why she felt so weird the last few weeks. He was right; something had change and she's been living her life a certain way for four years. For that routine to be abruptly changed by something she convinced herself as so trivial and unrealistic was almost heart-stopping to her, maybe even downright panic attack inducing. She felt every day this growing passion that has been slowly rebuilt from the bottom of her heart to now full and bursting. The very thought that she could love music again and without Nathan made her feel like that any step she took would be overwhelming and trigger an actual panic attack.

"How can I love music without Nathan?" She asked sullenly.

"The same way America keeps voting for you on American Idol." Lucas stopped massaging her foot and sat up to grip her shoulders and forced eye contact. His voice was nothing but conviction. "Hales, they see it. America sees how much you're falling back in love with music and I know you're scared that this all happening. You belong to sing; this is your destiny and I think what Nathan has done has held you back long enough. You want this, right?"

"More than anything. I want Jamie proud, but the long hours, the rehearsals, the fast-pace of it all, I realized just how much I want this for the rest of my life. And I'm scared shitless, Lucas. I want this so much that I'm afraid I won't get it after how much I poured myself and opened up again."

"You know I have all the faith in the world for you and you know America does too. Why else would they vote you on top the last two weeks? What do you think is holding you back?"

"I keep fantasizing that Nathan should be here but he's not. I accepted the fact I was going to be a single mother, trying to do something mundane and medicore just to provide for my son. Nathan left. Plain and simple and I would never fully know the reason why and maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm just holding on to something that will never come true. Maybe I can fully focus on this thing to the extent that it deserves if I make a change."

"And what's that?"

She broke eye contact and once again focused on her hands in her lap. She switched her beer from her left hand to her right and took another long gulp and finished the liquid, tasting the effects of the alcohol laced in the foam. She held out her left hand and let go of her grip on the bottle that lopsided on her lap. Her right hand came up and started twirling the simple gold band on her left ring finger before she slipped it off. She held it in the shitty ambient light and just stared while Lucas watched her moves with a sharp glare.

"Maybe I should finally get a divorce."

**May 30, 2009 – The Northwest**

Nathan held his simple gold band ring that he kept hidden on a simple ball-silver chain in the nightstand beside his bed. Whenever he slept and would wake up in the middle of the night after a sporadic nightmare, he would grip the jewelry under his pillow like it was his lifeline after the sweat felt cold on his skin. The days where the thought was a little too tempting to take his life, his eyes always glanced at the hidden ring and slowly, he'd felt himself crawling out of the dark thoughts that swirled his mind on a constant basis. For four years, the bland ring kept hidden in dark space but always brightened with hope.

He never wore because he was ashamed and wasn't worthy of a simple circle that signified his love and devotion to his wife.

He sure as hell wasn't worthy of the ring after everything, but now he can't stop thinking about the object and how it would look like back on his ring finger. Ever since he saw his wife and son on American Idol two days ago, he couldn't stop obsessing over the fact that maybe this was the sign he was subconsciously looking for. He accepted long ago that he took the opportunity away to see Haley ever again with doing the unthinkable (they both feared he would up and leave like his father did with Lucas). However, if they were really soul mates, and he held the belief deep down within his shame and agony, that they would cross paths if their love ran that strong.

Maybe it was the faith that after everything they went through, they would still fight. He'd admit he didn't try because he viewed his actions as unforgivable but out of the two of them, Haley was always the strongest. Even when he became an ass when she came back from that tour and did everything to push her away because of his defense mechanism, she still stood her ground and fought. He was so damn in love with her, he knew he was going to give in but his father's words that so easily manipulated his brain delayed the evitable. However, she stood – strong and firm – and kept _fighting_ and finally broke through his barriers once she opened her mouth and sung a song that she wrote about them while on tour.

Maybe when shit went down with Dante, he always hoped that she would still fight. The timing of the disappearance surely would not have made sense to her, judging by his behavior the couple of weeks before he got that faithful picture of her in crosshairs of a sniper. He was elated, even more in love with her and talked about finding various odd jobs if he had to for their family. He remembered cuddling Haley the night before he got the package, complete bliss as his fingers slowly traced indescribable patterns on her swollen belly and softly spoke in her ear his five-year goal with her and his son. He grinned every time she giggled, claiming his breath was tickling her skin and it was adorable.

Since the very beginning, he hoped that she wouldn't give up and fight. The logic of it all never made sense and he was riding that she would pick up on that. He imagined she would raise questions, poke, prod, hell even get angry at his disappearance. He _prayed_ she would be defiant and adamant that his leaving never made sense and head-strong to find him. He had faith that she would hire a private detective and once again, inadvertently save his ass.

She never came, though.

There was nothing the first couple of months after he left, he was so sick and hated himself that he stripped her of her will. The monumental impact of him leaving left an irreparable hole in her soul; he swore he felt it. He never fought because she finally didn't and he felt so lost and despicable for hurting the one person who loved his heart.

But everything has changed now. He saw her and his son and in his erratic mind this was what made him stop himself from taking his life. Something inside always kept the faith he would see them again and now that he has, everything made sense. Haley always fought for their relationship, stood by him, and repeated that he was the most important thing to her; music would never compare and that she would do anything to make sure they stayed together until death separated them. Maybe now it was time he'd prove the same thing.

He wanted his family back. He wanted that cozy house in a nice neighborhood where he could teach his son basketball and how to make a fire. He wanted that sunset view in his backyard where he could just snuggle his wife on a swinging bench and tell her from the time they woke up until the time they closed their eyes each night that he loved her and would do anything to make her feel loved and protected. He closed his eyes at the fantasy as tears started to form behind his vulnerable eyelids. God, what he would do to prove to her he would never leave if she'd just take him back.

It was the most natural thing to do in the moment. As he laid in bed, not a care about anything, not even a glance at the alarm clock and be overwhelmed with a sense of dread that he'd have to go to practice or meet Dante, he just stared at the object in front of him. Silently, he unclasped the chain and dropped the ring into his palm and he examined it with awe and delicacy. Carefully, he picked it up between his thumb and index finger and watched as it dully glistened in the sunshine that rarely made an appearance. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. He was going to fight.

With ease, he slipped his wedding ring back on his left ring finger.

**End of Chapter 9. I hope it was truly a dilemma. Review if you'd like.**

**Song credit – Show Me How to Live by Audioslave**

**CAli**

ed to the right and everything disappeared. She immediately knew what songs she wanted from the


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